IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is impossible to help all the people in the world who are in need, so governments should focus on people from their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that national authorities should focus on their respective
citizens
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 rather than helping all the other
people
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 in the world, as it is practically impossible. I completely agree with the above statement, as
citizens
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 deserve prioritized aid for being taxpayers.
Also
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, every country has its own social and economic challenges, which make external help unfeasible.    
Firstly
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, governments should give priority to their
people
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 as they are the ones who sincerely pay taxes throughout their lives.
This
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 is to say their nationalists should be allocated all the facilities they deserve with the main focus on poverty, unemployment, and inadequate healthcare systems which are the general issues prevailing in most
nations
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.
For instance
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, countries like India or China struggle with their economies and if they try to help
people
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 of other
nations
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, it will undoubtedly create social unrest.
Thus
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,
nations
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 should mainly focus on their
people
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.    
Secondly
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, every nation has its own economic and social distress, especially underdeveloped
nations
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 which means that their hardships make it impossible for them to assist other countries. Even the wealthier
nations
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 must manage their resources carefully to sustain their economies and ensure future stability.
For example
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, developing countries cannot practically provide aid to other
nations
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 when their
citizens
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 lack necessities like food and shelter.    In conclusion, I strongly agree that
nations
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 should always give preference to their own
people
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instead
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 of other
nations
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.
Citizens
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 truly deserve every facility because of their economic contribution through taxes.
Also
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, most
nations
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 struggle financially to help their own
people
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, which makes it difficult to help others in need.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your ideas and ensure each point clearly relates back to your main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or their implications to support each of your main points, particularly in the second body paragraph.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an effective introduction and conclusion that presents a strong opinion on the topic.
argument development
Relevant points about prioritizing citizens based on tax contributions and national challenges were well articulated.
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