Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Thanks to
television
Use synonyms
, human life is less boring.
Besides
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visible benefits, there are
also
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some problems. One of them is that it can cause
children
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to watch
television
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all the time
instead
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of spending time on active or creative things. Now we will find out why it is so addictive.
Firstly
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, we have to agree that every family has a
television
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or similar devices, so it is easy for
children
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to stick their eyes on
television
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. The second reason is that the producers are experts at making the shows appealing to their target viewers. Especially the kids, they hardly have self-control when they find something interesting.
Last
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but not least,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active and creative activities
such
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as
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
their kids
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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after them playing,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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them make the diy toys,
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
them how to take care of pets or plants,etc take more time and cost more money, so
parents
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nowadays would prefer to let their
children
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watch
television
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rather than have fun with them. And now I will show you my measures on how to deal with
this
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problem. The first thing I would like to say is that watching
television
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is not that bad. Why don't we use films and movies to educate
children
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about morality, science and soft skills? Why don't we find some intellectually stimulating shows for kids? I remember that when I was young, I used to watch a show named “Teen’s
corner
Capitalize word
Corner
show examples
”. In that show, they made adorable diy things, redecorated everything they could and organized many funny minigames. How can you say
this
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is not creative?
Next,
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we have to work with the adults. If I remember correctly,
children
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mimic their
parents
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. So how can
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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be active and creative when their
parents
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are sedentary? Another crucial thing is that not only
parents
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but
also
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can change the situation.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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should spend more on
Use synonyms
children-development
Correct your spelling
development
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.
Or the
Correct word choice
The
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commercial organizations can earn much if their supply meets the demand. I have seen many successful business models for
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as pottery workshops, painting workshops, indoor sports
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples

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coherence and cohesion
Consider forming clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the variety of your vocabulary and sentence structures to create a more engaging text.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and sentence clarity. A few sentences could be restructured for better readability.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples from your own experience, which demonstrate clarity in your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both the reasons children watch television more and potential measures to encourage active engagement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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