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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, people spend a great deal of time sitting, leading to health problems. Why does this happen? What are the best ways to encourage people to sit less?

In recent years, numerous
people
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 have been spending far more
time
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 sitting, which has increased health-related issues.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 trend and propose potential solutions.
To begin
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 with, a primary cause that has led numerous
people
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 to a sedentary lifestyle is associated with work. Work takes an immense
time
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 from
people
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, forcing them to sit not only at their desks but
also
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 during long commutes, which keep
people
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 seated for hours without moving.
For example
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, research published in the American Economic Journal showed that Americans spend around 9 hours a day on average sitting for work-related reasons.
Moreover
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, advancements in technology are considered another substantial factor.
People
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 spend a great deal of
time
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 watching their screens without realising they are not getting a sufficient amount of physical activity. To combat
this
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 problem, governments, businesses, and individuals should act collectively.
This
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 means that the government should develop several public parks that encourage walking and cycling.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia, all public parks must include a walking path alongside a different trail for cyclists, increasing the number of active
people
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.
Furthermore
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, numerous strategies, including standing desks, mandatory breaks, and walking meetings, should be adopted to prevent workers from a sedentary habits.
Therefore
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,
people
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's accountability is important to adopt available measures, which may help reduce their
time
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 sitting
while
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 maintaining their health.
To conclude
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,
although
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 maintaining a healthy habit is a bit difficult
due to
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 modern factors, with the cooperation of states, corporations and individuals,
this
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 challenge can be resolved. Well-planned strategies created to encourage
people
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 to develop a healthier lifestyle can truly benefit residents.

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language
Fix small grammar errors and smooth the language. For example, change 'not realising they are not getting' to 'not realizing they do not get'. Also, 'a sedentary habits' should be 'sedentary habits'.
structure
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and end with a short summary. This helps the flow of ideas.
style
Keep sentences short. Use simple words. Break long sentences into two.
content
Give more general examples rather than long data. If you use a fact, cite it simply.
content
The essay covers both causes and solutions.
structure
There are good linking words that show the flow of ideas.
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