IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been pointed out that processed foods
such
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 as instant noodles and frozen vegetables are getting popular and will take over traditional cuisines and their cooking methods. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
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 idea as traditional foodstuffs are more beneficial not only to health but
also
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 to the economy than simple
meals
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. First of all, compared to traditional foods, a vast majority of convenience
meals
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 are unhealthy.
This
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 is because these simple
meals
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 contain a high level of fat and less nutrition, and if individuals always have these processed
meals
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, they are far more likely to catch several illnesses,
such
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 as obesity and heart disease.
As a result
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, every single person will not give up cooking and having traditional dishes.
For instance
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, a huge number of office workers who live at a rat-race speed say that they are suffering from digestive problems as they always eat frozen products
instead
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 of traditional food. They have been trying to squeeze in some time to cook with fresh ingredients, which has a positive impact on their physical health.
Furthermore
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, traditional cuisines bring countless economic benefits to every single country. The reason is that trying traditional
meals
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 is a major activity for every holidaymaker
while
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 having a trip to a foreign country, leading to local economic growth. If traditional cuisines are replaced by convenience foods and disappear, governments will face a local recession. As an illustration, every visitor who is travelling around Korea always spends some money appreciating traditional Korean barbecue, which is a significant contributor to local economic prosperity. If the Korean barbecue is taken over by processed frozen smoked skewers, Korean national productivity will be harmed. In conclusion, people may vary in their opinion about whether traditional
meals
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 will be replaced by convenience foodstuffs or not,
while
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 I am of the opinion that traditional food will not disappear, as it has its advantages in terms of health and the economy.

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task response
Be sure your answer says clearly if you agree or not at once and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add more detail for each idea. Give clear, simple examples that fit the point.
task response
Mention a counter view and show why you still choose your view.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to move from one point to the next in a simple, calm way.
coherence cohesion
Make the intro short and quick and end with a clear conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should have a small support or example to show why it matters.
structure
Clear and steady view is given in intro and end.
content
Paragraphs are used to keep health and money ideas apart.
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