IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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Exploring and learning about various cultures through travel can provide more specific and visual experiences, including helping to get more detailed and deep connections.
However
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, modern technologies in our society,
such
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 as the Internet, books, and films, offer faster and more convenient
information
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while
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 exploring different cultures. I agree that the idea of other ways, especially using online sources, helps not only to provide faster
information
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 but
also
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 it helps to save time and money, which I can
then
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 allocate to visiting historical places. When it comes to exploring culture, the memories created often live, sometimes remaining with individuals for a lifetime.
Such
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 memories are made in our mind's consciousness because they involve emotional connections to the
people
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, places, and objects encountered.
For instance
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, tourists who learn about a country's history by visiting its landmarks can better empathize and understand the significance of cultural elements because, with the naked eye,
people
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 tend to make deeper connections. Indeed, no form of technology can fully replicate the depth of understanding gained through direct exposure to a culture.
Nevertheless
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, in today's technological world, many individuals prefer to learn about cultural
information
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 through the Internet, films, and books. There are many reasons for
this
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 preference.
Firstly
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, it is cost-effective, as
people
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 can save money
while
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 accessing
information
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 without the need for travel and accommodation costs.
Secondly
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, it is time-efficient, allowing individuals to access detailed
information
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 about different cultural properties.
For instance
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, a student who is living in an urban area
traveling
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travelling
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 budget may be over-priced for their conditions.
Besides
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, their school and part-time working schedules may not be suitable for planning historical trips.
Consequently
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, watching documentary educational films and YouTube videos can provide clear and effective explanations of cultural practices. These sources enable
people
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 to explore different cultures from the comfort of their homes. In conclusion,
traveling
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travelling
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 offers a more visualized experience
while
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 visiting historical areas, an alternative way to learn about other practices. After a thorough analysis of
this
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 subject, it is predicted that the alternative ways of the debate over whether it is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about the culture and
therefore
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it is clear that
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 the idea of supporting modern media is a valuable tool for cultural learning.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to make your position on the issue more explicit. Consider rephrasing your main argument to clearly state that you support the use of books, films, and the internet for cultural learning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly reflects its main idea in the topic sentence. Attempt to include clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You might want to include more specific examples and elaboration in your body paragraphs to strengthen your arguments. This could involve discussing specific books, films, or online resources.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the importance of traveling versus using technology to understand different cultures.
coherence cohesion
There is a good use of vocabulary related to culture and learning throughout the essay, which demonstrates an awareness of topic-specific language.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • digital access
  • firsthand experience
  • nuanced understanding
  • cultural subtleties
  • cost-effective learning
  • real-time interaction
  • personal growth
  • sensory engagement
  • global interconnectedness
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