Some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of differnet cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
say that
music
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
a great effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
bringing
individuals
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of
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
cultures and years together. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
sentence because
music
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bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
to same things and life skills
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
different
people
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
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is changed to
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individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
mood , some
people
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listining
Correct your spelling
listening
to happy
music
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or someone
listining
Correct your spelling
listening
to
sadly
Change the word
sad
show examples
music
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and
this
Linking Words
time
people
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understand the
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mood .
For instance
Linking Words
, when ı feel happy , I listen
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
Happy
song
Use synonyms
from
Despiciable
Correct your spelling
Despicable
Me 2 and ı feel
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
great or when ı am
sadly
Change the word
sad
show examples
, ı
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
Another Love
song
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from Tom Odell .
This
Linking Words
way
people
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understand each other's situation. An additional reason for my stage is ,
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
brings to residents together.
For instance
Linking Words
Kufi
song
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from Duman.
This
Linking Words
is a Turkısh
song
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and nowadays
people
Use synonyms
listining
Correct your spelling
listen
to
this
Linking Words
song
Use synonyms
in Sarachane Street because
individuals
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dissagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
new rule and so many
people
Use synonyms
come to Turkey from
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
and do not agree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
new law.
Likewise
Linking Words
, nowadays all
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
the world
listining
Correct your spelling
listening
to
this
Linking Words
song
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in Berlin ,Spain , Germany , England and more countries because of
this
Linking Words
reason and so many
people
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walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
to
street
Add an article
the street
a street
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
song
Use synonyms
. Now ,we understand
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
examples , some songs
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
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together without
the
Change the word
their
show examples
culture , tongue and
countrie
Correct your spelling
countries
country
. What is more , in different cultures and
individuals
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enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
together
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
night club with
music
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.
For example
Linking Words
, 2 years ago ı went to London and I felt alone
then
Linking Words
ı went to
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
night club
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nightclub
show examples
in London. İt name is 34 Mayfair.
Firstly
Linking Words
ı ate
a
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
food
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
started and two
people
Use synonyms
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
to my table from Spain
then
Linking Words
we enjoyed
so
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves so
show examples
much
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
. In
conculusıon
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
music
Use synonyms
is improved
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
your skills in dealing with
people
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and
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
your mood and we understand
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
show examples
music
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
develope
Correct your spelling
develops
to
people
Use synonyms
's
brining
Correct your spelling
bringing
show examples
together without cultures.

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task response
Ensure your thesis statement clearly reflects your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss. For instance, you might say, 'I strongly agree that music has the power to unite people across different cultures and ages due to its ability to influence emotions and foster connections.'
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task response
In your examples, clarify the relevance and significance of the songs and situations you mention. Provide more context to help readers understand why they are important in illustrating your points about music's unifying power.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. For instance, make sure to use the correct verb forms and articles, which will enhance the clarity of your writing. Proofreading your work can help catch these errors.
content
Your enthusiasm for the topic of music is evident and engaging. You provide personal and contemporary examples, which makes your essay relatable.
task response
You effectively convey your strong opinion about music's ability to unite people, which is a key element in persuasive writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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