IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

International travel is becoming cheaper and cheaper, and more countries are now opening their doors to foreign visitors. Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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As travelling
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 decline, many countries now
opened
Wrong verb form
open
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 their borders for
tourist
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tourists
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.
While
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this
Linking Words
 might be challenging
due to
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 the probability of
increase
Add an article
an increase
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 in crime rate and cultural influence, I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, because of the economy and social benefits. On the one hand, people may argue that foreigners tend to commit more
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 than the locals. which is because it would be difficult to identify them since their record is not in the
country
Use synonyms
, and
this
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 can make the
country
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 unsafe for citizens.
For instance
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,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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immigrants who commit
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
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 the law in a
country
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 where their data are not recorded can hardly be located or might take
awhile
Correct your spelling
a while
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, and
this
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 can encourage people to travel with the aim of
commiting
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committing
 an offence
,
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apply
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 since their identity is
hiden
Correct your spelling
hidden
.
Moreover
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,
Correct article usage
an increased
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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 in foreign travel can tamper with
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
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 culture,
such
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 as food and way of life. A clear example of
this
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 is the modern city of Birmingham, England. Which now has mixed cultural attires and food sold on the street, with different
dialet
Correct your spelling
dialect
, rather than
english
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English
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 spoken on the street. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, locals feel dominated in their
country
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.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 international
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 may have some negative influence on the residence of a
country
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, the advantages are higher. The primary benefit of foreign visitors is the boost in
host
Correct article usage
the host
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Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
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 economy. Recently, most immigrants travelled with the aim
schooling
Change preposition
of schooling
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 or tourism.
This
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 often
generate
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generates
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 revenue for the
country
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 through taxation and school fees.
For example
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, research showed that international students pay higher fees
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to their
residents
Change to a genitive case
resident's
residents'
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 counterpart.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
this
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 can
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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multicultural
Correct article usage
the multicultural
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 environment. Foreigners
spends
Change the verb form
spend
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 more on apartments and hotels which positively
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 the national economic growth. In conclusion,
while
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 foreign visitors might have some negative influence in a host
country
Use synonyms
 through the
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 rise in crime rate and alteration in their culture, I think the advantages outweigh the challenges,
due to
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ecomony
Correct your spelling
economic
 boost and
positively
Change the word
positive
show examples
 socialization.
However
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, a
balanced
Replace the word
balance
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 in the rate at which
foriegners
Correct your spelling
foreigners
 are allowed into a
country
Use synonyms
 will help create a well-rounded safe environment for everyone.

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task achievement
The introduction is generally clear, but could be more specific regarding the argument you will be supporting. Expand on your thesis statement to reflect the key points that will be discussed in the essay more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use complete sentences and avoid fragments. For instance, 'which is because it would be difficult...' should be rephrased for clarity. Also, be cautious with the use of articles, like 'an immigrants.'
coherence and cohesion
In the second paragraph, ensure that transitions between ideas are clearer. Consider using linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument more logically, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition.'
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammar errors as they can lead to misunderstandings; for example, 'ecomony' should be 'economy' and 'foriegners' should be 'foreigners.'
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of international travel, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
Your examples show good understanding and relevance to the topic, especially regarding economic benefits of tourism and education.
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