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Writing Samples
Band 6

Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Nowadays, science plays an important role in agriculture. New technologies and scientific methods help
farmers
Use synonyms
 do their jobs faster and more efficiently.
Although
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 I agree that these developments bring many advantages, I do not believe they are always beneficial.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, modern machinery allows
farmers
Use synonyms
 to work faster and cultivate large areas of land with less effort.
In addition
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, improved irrigation systems and better seeds help them produce more
food
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.
As a result
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, they can meet growing demand and reduce
food
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 shortages.
For instance
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, modern harvesting machines help
farmers
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 collect large amounts of corn more quickly, saving time and increasing productivity.
This
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also
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 allows
farmers
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 to supply markets more regularly and earn higher profits from their work.
This
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 shows why scientific developments can benefit agriculture.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the excessive use of chemical
fertilizers
Change the spelling
fertilisers
show examples
 and pesticides, which help crops grow, can damage the soil and pollute water. Over time,
this
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 can reduce soil quality and make it more difficult to grow healthy crops.
Furthermore
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, modern equipment is often expensive, making it difficult for beginner
farmers
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 to compete with large companies.
For example
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,
farmers
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 who cannot afford modern machinery may face financial difficulties because of higher production costs and may produce less
food
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 than larger businesses.
As a result
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, smaller farms may struggle to remain competitive and maintain their businesses in the long term.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I partially disagree that scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits.
Although
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 they increase productivity and help
farmers
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 grow more
food
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, they can
also
Linking Words
 harm the environment and create financial difficulties for small
farmers
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree with some benefits but disagree with the word “always”. To make it stronger, say this key view more directly in the first paragraph.
task response
Your main ideas are well chosen: more food and faster work on one side, and harm to land, water, and small farms on the other. Add one more clear detail about how farmers can use science in a safer way, such as using less chemical spray.
task response
The examples fit your points. The corn machine example is clear. The small-farm example could be even stronger with a more real case, such as the cost of one machine or the need to borrow money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, benefits, problems, and ending. Each body paragraph stays on one main side of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more links to show the change between ideas. For example, begin the second body paragraph with “However, these gains can also cause problems.”
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat the same point about higher output and more food. You can make the writing tighter by joining these ideas or by using the space for a new point.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and keep a clear, balanced view from start to end.
task response
Your reasons are easy to understand and are linked to farming, food supply, the land, water, and small farms.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is strong. The opening and ending clearly match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “In addition”, “For instance”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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