IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of 50. What problem does this cause, and what solutions could minimize the problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Growth is a crucial part of every field and is one of the important key factors of success. It is evident that progress in technology has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to a difference in understanding of operations among younger and senior
employees
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will shed light on the reasons and possible solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the issue.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 and foremost cause of
growing
Add an article
the growing
show examples
gap
Use synonyms
 is knowledge.
Employees
Use synonyms
 in the companies of age group 45 and above had different study topics
whereas
Linking Words
 today's generation
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 vast
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, earlier computer programming was not part of the curriculum
however
Linking Words
, these days it is taught at schools
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is required in every field.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger people have better knowledge of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and are good at their
work
Use synonyms
. Another reason behind the problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is different
work
Use synonyms
 ethics and environment. To exemplify, earlier people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 without computers, to elaborate senior
employees
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 on paper and pen
whereas
Linking Words
 now, every task is computerised
such
Linking Words
 as excel sheets, power-point presentations etcetera are used.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 over the age of 50 do not have
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 skills to adapt to changing
work
Use synonyms
 culture
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to counter the issue of technological
Use synonyms
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
 special workshops and seminars can be arranged to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge and to bridge the performance
gap
Use synonyms
 among
employees
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, younger staff could assist and guide others about methods and skills needed to improve their performance and productivity.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 changes in technology the
gap
Use synonyms
 in performance of
employees
Use synonyms
 of different age groups is evident but it could be resolved by taking appropriate initiatives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on the reasons provided and present more examples to strengthen your arguments. This will make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence
Improve the flow of ideas by using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the overall readability of your essay.
coherence
Clarify some statements, especially about work ethics, to ensure they are easily understood.
structure
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines the problem and solution.
examples
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate the points made about the knowledge gap between different age groups effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: