IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 prevailing era, it is true that a large amount of sugar is added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 edibles and
bevarages
Correct your spelling
beverages
beverage
products
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
health
Add an article
the health
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 of every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
. I wholeheartedly
accord
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 notion, making the
items
Use synonyms
 more expensive can deter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 sugary
products
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Commencing with the most salient reason why
products
Use synonyms
 that include high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of sugar should not be cheaper is that some healthy
items
Use synonyms
 are quite expensive as compared to unhealthy
products
Use synonyms
. So many individuals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
buy the
products
Use synonyms
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their cost.
For example
Linking Words
,
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
sugary
items
Use synonyms
 cost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
$5 and healthy
items
Use synonyms
 cost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
$9 in the market,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
so people
show examples
 are more likely to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items
Use synonyms
 that have sugar.
Body paragraph 2
The
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 one is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 buy sugary
products
Use synonyms
 because of easy
accessibilty
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 and cheap
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
. There are countless shops that display
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
items
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 reasonable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 become
curios
Correct your spelling
curious
show examples
to buy
Change preposition
about buying
show examples
 them without any
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. If
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay direct and indirect taxes on these
items
Use synonyms
, they are less likely to buy the
products
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, having
sugery
Correct your spelling
surgery
items
Use synonyms
 more expensive can lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
popluarity
Correct your spelling
popularity
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
produts
Correct your spelling
product
products
 because
thes
Correct your spelling
these
items
Use synonyms
 are more expensive
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 healthy
items
Use synonyms
couple
Wrong verb form
coupled
show examples
 with having more taxes can discourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to purchase
Change preposition
from purchasing
show examples
thes
Correct your spelling
these
products
Use synonyms
.

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay for punctuation and spelling mistakes. For instance, 'bevarages' should be 'beverages' and 'curios' should be 'curious'.
content
Expand on your ideas with examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Use more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence
Ensure to structure your conclusion more clearly, summarizing the main points made in the essay.
content
The introduction clearly states your stance on the issue, which is a good start.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food
  • high sugar content
  • health problems
  • sugary products
  • encourage consumption
  • deter
  • public health
  • obesity rates
  • healthier alternatives
  • nutritious
  • sugar tax
  • revenue
  • health initiatives
  • educational programs
  • public health campaigns
  • disproportionately
  • low-income individuals
  • subsidizing
  • accessibility
  • affordability
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