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Writing Samples
Band 6

Organized tours to remote areas and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?”

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It is a fact that organized tours to remote
areas
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 and
communities
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 have become increasingly popular worldwide. Despite some economic
benefits
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 for local
communities
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, I strongly believe that the negative
impacts
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 on local
people
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 and the environment outweigh any potential
benefits
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. On the one hand, organized
tourism
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 can provide several
benefits
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 to residents of remote
areas
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.
First,
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tourism
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 creates employment opportunities.
For example
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, increased
tourism
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 often leads to the development of hotels, restaurants and other services that provide jobs for local
people
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.
Second,
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tourists
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 often spend significant amounts of money, especially affluent
travelers
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travellers
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, which boosts local businesses and economies.
In addition
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, cultural exchanges between
tourists
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 and local
communities
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 can enhance mutual understanding and enrich the daily lives of residents through exposure to different customs and traditions.
On the other hand
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, the growth of organized
travel
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 to remote
areas
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 can have significant negative
impacts
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 on local
communities
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 and the environment.
First,
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increased
tourism
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 often leads to rising housing prices.
For example
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, wealthy
tourists
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 can afford to pay high rates for accommodation, driving up the cost of housing and making it unaffordable for local
people
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.
Second,
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the influx of
tourists
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 often leads to environmental degradation. Visitors often generate significant amounts of waste, causing pollution and long-term damage to fragile ecosystems.
Finally
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, long-distance
travel
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 typically involves air
travel
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, which contributes significantly to greenhouse gas emissions and exacerbates climate change. In conclusion,
while
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 organized
travel
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 to remote regions may provide some economic and cultural
benefits
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 to local
people
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, the negative
impacts
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 on both the community and the environment are far greater.
Therefore
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, careful management and regulation are essential to minimize the negative
impacts
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 of
tourism
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 in remote
areas
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.

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task achievement
Try to further develop your specific examples by providing more details or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow and interest of your writing.
task achievement
Consider adding a counterargument to make your argument even stronger and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that clearly outline your stance.
task achievement
The essay presents clear arguments for both sides of the issue, showing good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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