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Band 7

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views give opinions.

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Recently, some educators advocated that
children
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 should start going to
school
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 when they are in their early years, others,
however
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, think that they need
to begin
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 formal learning after 7 years old. In
this
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 manuscript, I will discuss both perspectives. There has been a wide controversy over how old should
kids
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 start their formal education.
For instance
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,
while
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 some scholars suggest that
children
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 should spend more time with their parents because
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
 can be considered as the first educational site in their life, nowadays many parents both have work, thereby neglecting their sons or daughters, or just playing with them on weekends.
This
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 situation might hamper their social skills.
In other words
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, those who can not get
along with
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 their dad or mom might have no chances to realize what communication is, leading to that they won't know how to get into a team in the future.
Also
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, in many cases,
instead
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 of growing up with parents,
kids
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 are addicted to technology,
such
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 as phones, laptops, and video games.
This
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 addiction would impair their health, cause diseases, and even develop an antisocial personality. Thanks to these issues, more and more educational researchers have started pushing those having
kids
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 to have their
children
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 begin their education before seven years old.
This
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 innovative concept brings various advantages,
for example
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, facilitating right conduct behaviour, establishing a sense of self-discipline, and cultivating respect for regulation. Indeed, previous studies indicated that youth in
school
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 would have enormous opportunities to communicate with their peers, thereby enhancing socialization.
In addition
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,
kids
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 beginning their learning will participate in PE classes where they can play with their classmates.
Such
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 participation can increase their mental and physical health.
Furthermore
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, some studies have shown that not only physiological and psychological development but
also
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 improvement in motor skills can be achieved in sports lectures,
due to
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 the higher neuroplasticity they have. In conclusion,
although
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 going to
school
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 later could let
kids
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 spend more time with their father and mother, there is a diversity of benefits when
children
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 begin their journey in
school
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 earlier.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical structure of your arguments. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
task achievement
While you provide examples, try to further develop them with more specific details or studies to enhance the depth of your arguments. This will strengthen your points and showcase your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The introduction could be rephrased for clarity and to better set the stage for the discussion. Also, consider making your conclusion more definitive by clearly stating your opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the complexities of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The use of examples related to social skills and technology addiction effectively supports your points about the need for early education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social development
  • structured learning environments
  • essential skills
  • reading, writing, and arithmetic
  • social norms
  • undue stress and pressure
  • natural curiosity and creativity
  • unstructured play
  • emotional and psychological development
  • mature
  • rigors of formal education
  • natural developmental timeline
  • life skills
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • informal learning
  • structured educational system
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