Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

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Some museums believe that there should be a focus on native historical pieces and not foreign ones.
While
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this
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concentration may preserve every
country
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's heritage
in
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within
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its borders, I believe that foreign art and history can sometimes inspire
people
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even more. On one hand, by focusing on national historical resources, museums can keep most of the historical national treasures of their own
country
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.
This
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can result in a rise in tourism by attracting
people
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looking for a specific
country
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's history. If there are no other nations holding a major piece from a specific state,
people
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have only the choice to travel to that
country
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.
Furthermore
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, it can be a guide for nationals to learn more about their chronicle.
For example
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, most of Iran's historical emblems from its antiquity period
such
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as the Cyrus prism have been taken to exhibitions outside of Iran. Henceforth, Iranian
people
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are unfamiliar with their ancient roots and the Persian Empire which was one the greatest empires of its time.
On the other hand
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, inspiration from artworks across the world has a huge impact on every nation. Not only the advancement of philosophy in other parts of the world can be extremely beneficial for a culture. But it
also
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can have a considerable impact on our understanding of our art and society, since many common laws in our nation
has
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have
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been transferred from other cultures.
For instance
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, Iran was conquered by Arabs in 755 AD leading to the change of ethics towards Arabic morals and there
won't
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wouldn't
be any common sense of Persian society without exploring the Arabic one. In conclusion,
Although
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reserving the museum exhibitions by civil pieces might result in the reservation of every nation's emblems,
but
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apply
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I think it is more beneficial to have
a
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apply
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multinational artworks and historical pieces inside
of
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apply
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museums.

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task achievement
Ensure that arguments are fully developed and directly link to the essay question. For example, in the second paragraph, expand more on how preserving national art could specifically impact tourism with additional examples or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
In the first paragraph, clarify the phrase 'has been taken to exhibitions outside of Iran' to specify the action's negative impact. Additionally, in the conclusion, consider rephrasing for clarity, focusing on your recommendation more emphatically.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your paragraphs by using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition') to enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a relevant argument throughout, with well-structured paragraphs.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the Cyrus prism and the influence of Arabic culture, add meaningful context to the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • guardians of heritage
  • foster
  • sense of identity
  • cultural preservation
  • authentic experiences
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • global perspective
  • artistic styles
  • historical contexts
  • innovation
  • globalized world
  • cultural exchange
  • eclectic collections
  • diverse audiences
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