IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below shows the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
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The pie chart illustrates that in Canada the electric devices used by some people in the age group from 18 to 25
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to watch screens in two different years with 2 charts. The data is depicted in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 is explicitly observed that a total
6
Change preposition
of 6
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devices seem that be mobile phones, Laptops, Tablets, computers, flat TVs, and Conventional TVs. In 2009 people
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
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 conventional
tv was
Verb problem
TV
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 at the highest percentage
of
Change preposition
apply
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34%
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2019 it was just left by 4%. On the one hand, mobiles were at 15% and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumption rose in 2019 it was 26%
grown
Replace the word
growth
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 of 10 numbers. Now laptops are at 20% in 2009 and in 2019 the percentage decreased up to 12%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The tablet shows that in
initial
Add an article
the initial
an initial
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 year it was used by 5% of people
while
Linking Words
 in 2019 there was a significant bump
by
Change preposition
of
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14%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, desktop computers were consumed by 18% of the population
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Canada but comes to 2019 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined
left at
Wrong verb form
leaving
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 12%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Flat Televisions were at 8% which is climbing by 19% in 2019.
Lastly
Linking Words
, conventional TVs
the
Add a missing verb
had the
show examples
 lion's share of a chunk of 34% in 2009 and its consumption sharply declined by 30%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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