IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think to produce happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earning between the rich and the poor. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Numer
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Number
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 of
people
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 believes that in order to produce a happy society we need to ensure that there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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little
difference
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 in revenues between the rich and the poor.
That is
Linking Words
 a notion that I strongly disagree with. I will discuss my point of view in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the main reasons why I disagree is that will lead to
over dependency
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over-dependency
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 and less
pation
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passion
 to reach high income stage. The current situation is poor
people
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 try to climb the ladder and work hard to become successful rich
people
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. If we change
this
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 idea into minimizing the
different
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difference
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 between rich and poor there will be no reason to do so. No matter what will you do you will remain with a steady budget.
Additionally
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,
economical
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economic
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 growth will be affected by
this
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 idea. Given that there are huge
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difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 between poor and rich.
This
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 contrast generates an active market
due to
Linking Words
 poor
people
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 buying affordable stuff and rich
people
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 buying expensive stuff.
In
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On
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 the other hand, if we choose to let the situation as it is. Which is, there is a massive
difference
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 between the poor and the rich there will be a pation for many to get rich.
Moreover
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,
market
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the market
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 will be more effective as we discussed earlier. In conclusion, variation in
earning
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earnings
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 is
critical
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a critical
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 factor for sustainable growth for
market
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the market
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as well as
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human's
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human
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 nature to challenge themselves to overcome money's related obstacles.
This
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 is the reason to refuse
reducing
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to reduce
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 the
difference
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 in
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
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 between the rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position more explicitly, perhaps by rephrasing the main claim to reflect your disagreement more clearly.
Task Achievement
Develop your points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments, especially in discussing the impacts of wealth disparity on society.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using transition words or phrases to connect your paragraphs and sentences more smoothly, which will aid coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly with word forms and sentence structures. This will enhance your overall clarity of expression.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear and consistent opinion regarding the topic, which is great for task achievement.
Task Achievement
You have used relevant points to support your claims, indicating an effort to address the topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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