IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a cell phone while driving is dangerous because it causes the driver to become distracted. Therefore, cell phone use by drivers should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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 driving a vehicle, many individuals have a habit of using a cell phone which often distracts them
as a result
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 their driving skills are affected.
People
Use synonyms
, who ride
while
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 talking or operating hand phones should be punished and
this
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 act should be declared offensive. I completely agree with the view that using cellular devices
while
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 driving should be made illegal as it is harmful to the community.
To begin
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 with, if
people
Use synonyms
 operate their phones for texting or answering calls
while
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 riding, that action
looses
Replace the word
loses
show examples
 their attention and rather than focusing on driving precisely they may break the traffic rules that happened to
causing
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 fatal accidents in the end.
Therefore
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, to avoid any major incidents which is harmful to them
as well as
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 other co-passengers or streetwalkers, the government should restrict them by passing strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 against offenders.
For instance
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, A report shows that In India, 70% of fatal accidents have occurred
due to
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 drivers' habit of checking their phones very often which distracts them and lose their steering control.
Furthermore
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, many corporate workers often do their work
such
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 as replying to an email or making a presentation
while
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 driving to save their time, which contributes to many distractions.
Hence
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, they often make mistakes
while
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 driving
such
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 as forgetting to give signals
while
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 turning, or suddenly gearing the
break
Correct your spelling
brakes
show examples
. Because of
this
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, many times they suffer from dashboard injuries which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 quite fatal. So, to avoid
such
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 incidents
people
Use synonyms
 should obey the rules and avoid themselves to be distracted
while
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 driving.
For example
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,
According to
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 spine surgeons, many youngsters have been facing fatal car accidents
due to
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 unsafe driving.
To conclude
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, I completely agree with the view that
while
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 driving using cellular devices causes distractions
hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should be mindful and not use any gadgets , especially on busy roads.
Also
Linking Words
, the government should make policy against offenders who break the traffic rules.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to improve clarity. For example, 'this action looses their attention' could be better structured.
task achievement
Avoid repetitive language; for instance, you use 'fatal accidents' in multiple places. Look for synonyms to enhance vocabulary.
task achievement
Provide a counterargument to show a balanced perspective, which can strengthen your position by acknowledging alternative views.
coherence and cohesion
Add clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. This will guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
task achievement
You have successfully articulated your stance on the issue and provided relevant examples from studies, which shows good engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, setting a strong framework for your argument.
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