IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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In these
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These
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 days, paying for things using phone
apps
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 is becoming increasingly common. Because of the increasing technological developments. These developments have some advantages. In
this
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 essay, I will try to explain why there are a lot of positive impacts
to
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on
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 our
lifes
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lives
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. In the modern
world
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, with the changing
technology
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technology,
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 we
are tend
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tend
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 to
use
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mobil
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone
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phones
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. Our phones have a lot of
apps
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Instagram,
Youtube
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YouTube
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,
TikTok
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and TikTok
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, vs. Nowadays,
to
Verb problem
apply
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use
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 app rates
is
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are
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 so high and it will be more common in the future. Because of the changing
world
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 system. Everyone needs to
use
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 some
apps
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 to share their opinions,
for
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example
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example,
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 Twitter is a really good opportunity to write something about politics and
economical
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economic
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 issues. If you have a purchased account they will
to
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apply
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give your opinions more attention. Social media platforms can help to connect us to the
world
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. We can easily find a new friend or learn new information all around the
world
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, distance does not matter thanks to the
apps
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.
Moreover
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, these types of
apps
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Add a missing verb
are
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really important for our mental health. We can handle
with
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apply
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antisocialism and depression. We can make new friends and tell them our daily problems and fix
these
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them
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. If we pay for
this
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 platform, our
profils
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profiles
 look
like
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apply
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more secure. In conclusion, because of
the
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apply
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security reasons we
are tend
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tend
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 to pay more money
to
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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apps
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 and it will increasingly common in the future because the population is increasing. These days nearly 8 million people can
use
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 it but fifty years later that score will be changed.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a clearer structure for your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a main idea and supports it with clear examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction creates a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines the main arguments you will discuss.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples relating to mobile payment apps, rather than general social media apps, to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and vocabulary usage for clarity. Some phrases could be improved for better expression, such as 'we are tend to use mobil phone' should be 'we tend to use mobile phones'.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and introduced some relevant points about technology and social media.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for the topic is evident, which is great for engaging the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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