In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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In these
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These

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days, paying for things using phone
apps
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is becoming increasingly common. Because of the increasing technological developments. These developments have some advantages. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will try to explain why there are a lot of positive impacts
to
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on

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our
lifes
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lives

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. In the modern
world
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, with the changing
technology
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technology,

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we
are tend
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tend

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to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

mobil
Correct your spelling
mobile

If you don’t want mobil to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Our phones have a lot of
apps
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Instagram,
Youtube
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YouTube

The word Youtube doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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,
TikTok
Correct word choice
and TikTok

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, vs. Nowadays,
to
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

app rates
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

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so high and it will be more common in the future. Because of the changing
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

system. Everyone needs to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

some
apps
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to share their opinions,
for
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
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example,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase for example. Consider adding a comma.

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Twitter is a really good opportunity to write something about politics and
economical
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economic

The word economical doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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issues. If you have a purchased account they will
to
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apply

The word to is usually unnecessary after the modal verb will. Consider removing it.

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give your opinions more attention. Social media platforms can help to connect us to the
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. We can easily find a new friend or learn new information all around the
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, distance does not matter thanks to the
apps
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, these types of
apps
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Add a missing verb
are

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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really important for our mental health. We can handle
with
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apply

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antisocialism and depression. We can make new friends and tell them our daily problems and fix
these
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. If we pay for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

platform, our
profils
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profiles

If you don’t want profils to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

look
like
Correct word choice
apply

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more secure. In conclusion, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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security reasons we
are tend
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tend

It appears that the form of the verb tend does not work with are in this sentence.

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to pay more money
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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apps
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and it will increasingly common in the future because the population is increasing. These days nearly 8 million people can
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

it but fifty years later that score will be changed.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a clearer structure for your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a main idea and supports it with clear examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction creates a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines the main arguments you will discuss.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples relating to mobile payment apps, rather than general social media apps, to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and vocabulary usage for clarity. Some phrases could be improved for better expression, such as 'we are tend to use mobil phone' should be 'we tend to use mobile phones'.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and introduced some relevant points about technology and social media.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for the topic is evident, which is great for engaging the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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