IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that because everyone needs a place to live, governments should provide houses for those who are too poor to afford their own. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been a controversy over whether governments should provide free or affordable housing for those who are homeless. In my opinion,
while
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 governments are responsible for assisting the homeless, I firmly believe that providing free or low-cost housing is not the most effective solution. Housing is a fundamental human right, and the
government
Use synonyms
 should ensure that all citizens have access to safe living conditions. If the
government
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 takes responsibility for
this
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, there would be multiple benefits.
Firstly
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, providing accommodation can reduce crime rates. When individuals have stable housing, they are less likely to engage in criminal activities
due to
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 financial hardship. In
this
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 regard, the
government
Use synonyms
 should introduce policies that offer financial assistance to those who cannot afford housing.
This
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 would not only decrease homelessness but
also
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 help prevent the poverty cycle that often leads to criminal behaviour.
Secondly
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, ensuring access to housing would allow people to allocate more resources towards physical activity, as their financial burdens would be lighter. Research has shown that when the
government
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 supports housing,
such
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 as providing financial assistance for homeownership, it increases participation in physical activities, which ultimately enhances productivity and public health.
However
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, despite the economic benefits of
government
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 housing assistance, there are significant downsides to
this
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 policy. If the
government
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 continues to invest heavily in free or low-cost housing, it could adversely affect the development of critical infrastructure.
For example
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, in Taiwan,
while
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 the
government
Use synonyms
’s housing support program has helped the poor, it has led to a reduction in funding for essential public services,
such
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 as sports facilities. In Taipei City, where the population is large, the lack of public sports centres has significantly limited access to physical exercise. A report showed that exercise participation has decreased by 20%, which in turn has reduced work efficiency and
overall
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 productivity.
Therefore
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, many experts suggest that the
government
Use synonyms
 should prioritize investing in other sectors,
such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure, in order to support long-term social development. In conclusion,
while
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 it is essential for governments to assist the homeless, I strongly believe that providing free or low-cost housing is not the best approach. The
government
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 should
instead
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 focus on long-term solutions,
such
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 as investing in public sports facilities, healthcare, and education, which would help create a healthier and more self-sufficient society.

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the counterarguments to provide a more balanced view, which could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using more cohesive devices. For instance, improve transitions between your points.
Task Achievement
While your arguments are strong, adding more specific data or research references could enhance credibility.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the situation in Taiwan, adds depth to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Economic security
  • - Essential needs
  • - Allocate resources
  • - Social stability
  • - Reduced inequality
  • - Social tension
  • - Cohesive society
  • - Secure housing
  • - Health outcomes
  • - Susceptible to illness
  • - Stimulate economic growth
  • - Construction materials
  • - Ethical responsibility
  • - Less fortunate members
  • - Just society
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