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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries.

The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries.
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The chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the proportions of
Correct your spelling
problems
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 that immigrants from different
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 face when they move to a new
reigon
Correct your spelling
region
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the challenges that the younger
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 have
is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more than any other
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the older
pepole
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people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 had the highest percentage of having trouble learning the mother
tounge langauge
Correct your spelling
tongue language
 of the country.
More
Correct article usage
A more
show examples
 detailed examination shows, the person
bwteeen
Correct your spelling
between
 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 18-22 years, had the largest proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 making friends and finding a place to live 46,
40
Correct word choice
and 40
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 respectively.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the person whose
age
Use synonyms
 was over 55 years, had less
challengeimg
Correct your spelling
challenging
 time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making new friends, as it recorded almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the prior
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 by 23
percent
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per cent
show examples
.
similary
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Similarly
 it recorded half of the younger
group
Use synonyms
 share at 22.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the older
Use synonyms
group
Change noun form
group's
show examples
percenatge
Correct your spelling
percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 learning the
offical
Correct your spelling
official
 language was the highest among all other categories at 54
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the 18 to 22 category accounted for the lowest proportion at 29. Moving to the middle
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, which percentages
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 more than the younger, nor less than the over 55 year
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Notebaly
Correct your spelling
Notably
,
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 share in making new friends was 36,
Linking Words
likewise
Add a comma
likewise,
show examples
 at finding
Correct your spelling
accommodation
accomindation
Add a comma
accomindation,
show examples
 it recorded 39
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning the language of the people in the new country accounted for the less
proplem
Correct your spelling
problems
 the immigrant had to face.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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