IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for a country while others disagree. Do the advantages of hosting major sporting events outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Hosting major international sporting
events
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as the Olympic Games or the Football World Cup, can bring both benefits and challenges to the host
country
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 organising
such
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events
Use synonyms
 requires substantial investment and can cause temporary disruption, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because they can create employment and stimulate economic growth.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of hosting an international sporting event is the positive impact it can have on the local economy.
Such
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events
Use synonyms
 attract thousands of domestic and international visitors who spend money on accommodation, food, transportation and entertainment.
This
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 increased demand allows local businesses to generate greater profits and may encourage them to recruit additional workers.
As a result
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, more employment opportunities become available to local residents, enabling them to earn a stable income.
Furthermore
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, increased consumer spending can generate additional tax revenue for the government, which can be invested in public services and
infrastructure
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.
Therefore
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, major sporting
events
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 can contribute considerably to the economic development of the host
country
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.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, there are some significant disadvantages associated with hosting these
events
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. A sudden influx of visitors can put considerable pressure on transportation systems, resulting in traffic congestion and longer commuting times for residents.
Moreover
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, governments often have to spend substantial amounts of public money on stadiums, security and transport
infrastructure
Use synonyms
.
This
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 may temporarily reduce the funding available for essential services
such
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 as healthcare and education.
However
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, many of these problems are relatively short-term,
while
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 improved
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 and increased tourism can continue to benefit the
country
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 after the event has ended.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 hosting major sporting
events
Use synonyms
 can cause traffic problems and require significant initial investment, I believe the economic benefits are more substantial. Increased tourism, employment and business activity,
together with
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 improved
infrastructure
Use synonyms
, can provide lasting benefits to the host
country
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Add one more clear good point, such as world attention, pride in the country, or better sports spaces for local people. This would make your case stronger and more full.
task response
Use one short real or made-up example to show how local people or small shops may gain from the event. For example, hotels and food shops may take on more staff during the games.
task response
Your view is clear, but the ending could say more clearly why the long-term gains are greater than the large cost at the start.
coherence and cohesion
The first main paragraph is much longer than the second one. Give the bad side a little more detail, then show clearly why it is less important.
coherence and cohesion
Some links repeat the same cause-and-effect pattern. You can vary the flow by using short opening lines for each paragraph, such as “The main gain is economic growth.”
coherence and cohesion
In the last line of the second body paragraph, make the link to your main view even clearer: say that later gains can make up for the early cost and short-term trouble.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it through the whole essay. You answer the main question directly: the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The points about jobs, visitor spending, tax money, traffic, and public costs all fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, one main good point, one bad point, and a short ending. Each paragraph has one main job.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Although”, “As a result”, “Furthermore”, “Nevertheless”, and “However” help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • major sporting event
  • host nation
  • international exposure
  • boost tourism
  • generate revenue
  • local businesses
  • public infrastructure
  • upgrade transport systems
  • create temporary employment
  • construction costs
  • taxpayers’ money
  • public debt
  • budget overruns
  • underused stadiums
  • long-term legacy
  • traffic congestion
  • disrupt daily life
  • careful financial planning
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