IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on their children. Why is the reason for doing that? Is this a positive or negative development for the children?

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Parenting is always the centre of societal topics. There are many reasons why
parents
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 push their
children
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 to achieve goals. In
this
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 essay, the cause and impact of the strict parenting style will be discussed. The reason why some
parents
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give
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put
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 a lot of stress on their
children
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are
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is
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 because of their personal
expectation
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expectations
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. Many
parents
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 have been
imaging
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imagining
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 their
children
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’s life in the future since the birth of
the
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their
show examples
children
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. Meanwhile, some
parents
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 expect their
children
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 to gain
a
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apply
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better success than they have.
However
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, the high expectation
also
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 causes high pressure for
parents
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, and
eventually
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eventually,
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 the pressure lands on the
children
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.
Parents
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 will demand their
children
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 to achieve a high academic performance in school, go to an elite university and obtain a decent career. From those
parents
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’ view, the more they push their
children
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, the better outcome they and their
children
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 will get in the later life. The merit of strict parenting is that
children
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 can have clear goals at
their
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a
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 young age.
The clear
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Clear
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 goals can direct
children
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 through their learning journey and make them
to be
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apply
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organized. Some
parents
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 share their stories of a harsh parenting approach and a highly performed child
on
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in
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 the media, which proves the usefulness of the method.
However
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, many people
argued
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argue
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 that
the
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apply
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successful
children
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 are just rare examples. There many evidence
showed
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showing
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 that
children
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 who receive a huge amount of pressure from their
parents
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 are often less resilient and have more mental issues in their adulthood. In summary,
although
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 there are some positive outcomes of pressurised parenting, the negative impacts far
more
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apply
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outweigh the positive impacts.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more detailed and structured argument for your points, particularly in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clarify your ideas more concisely and focus on the flow of your writing, to make connections between your points clearer.
Task Achievement
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the main topics to be discussed.
Task Achievement
You've included examples to support your reasoning, especially regarding the potential mental health effects on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: