IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 tend to move out from their hometowns and decide to live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
, which is happening worldwide, causing
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of the
areas
Use synonyms
. I personally think that
this
Linking Words
 has both benefits and drawbacks in about equal measure. One of the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that
people
Use synonyms
 from the countryside, especially younger
people
Use synonyms
 will be able to have more choices
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
carriers
 or lifestyles once they move to
cities
Use synonyms
, which might be somewhat difficult for them to realize their dream jobs in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Another is that accepting more
people
Use synonyms
 into
cities
Use synonyms
 can lead the
cities
Use synonyms
 to economic growth because of an increasing number of workforce in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, in Japan, more and more visitors from other countries travel to Japan, especially to major
cities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Tokyo and Osaka, and a large number of industries including hotels and tourism desperately need more workers to deal with
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of employees. Under
such
Linking Words
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
key for major
cities
Use synonyms
 to welcome more residents from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to maintain the economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that there will occur a problem which can be harmful for old
people
Use synonyms
. If the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 decide to move out from their
areas
Use synonyms
, there will be nobody who can take care of the elderly living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, which might
also
Linking Words
 become a heavier burden for caregivers as the number of the old who need to be taken care of will rise. In conclusion, I would say that
this
Linking Words
 development will be both beneficial for urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in terms of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 and detrimental for the elderly to the same extent.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing economic growth in urban areas, you could include statistics on job growth or migration rates.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. For instance, phrases such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' and 'however' can help to connect ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
content
You effectively presented both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced view of the trend of rural to urban migration.
structure
Your conclusion succinctly summarized the main points, reiterating the dual nature of the development, which provides a clear summary for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: