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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Umar

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Umar
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The process diagram illustrates the procedure of how instant noodles are made.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is an
8-stages
Correct your spelling
8-stage
,linear,man-made method
Correct pronoun usage
that
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starts with a special car which transported silos from storage to the mixer and finishes with
a
Change the article
an
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 original product. First of all, the vehicle carrying
volume
Correct article usage
the volume
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flour
Change preposition
of flour
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 from
a storage silos
Correct the article-noun agreement
storage silos
a storage silo
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 and transported them to the next step.
Then
Linking Words
 going mixer, the silos
put
Add a missing verb
are put
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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top of the mixer adding water and oil after that they throw after the rolling procedure and turn into dough sheets. After becoming dough sheets
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to across
a special longer equipment
Remove the article
special longer equipment
a piece of special longer equipment
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 which have two
step
Change to a plural noun
steps
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 to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dough strips in order to make them longer.
At
Change preposition
In
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 step 5, the equipment
devise
Replace the word
device
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making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 noodles disks which
subsequently
Linking Words
 throw after cooing with using oil and drying them. Following that, already dried noodles
putting
Wrong verb form
are put
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 on the cups adding vegetables and species ,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 equipment capacity maximum
8
Change preposition
of 8
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cups. After that the cups
surrounded
Add a missing verb
are surrounded
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 by labels thereby labelling and sealing, creating ready
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 for the people.

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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