IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of nations, authorities tend to tax fees
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 populations to improve the whole
country
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some people believe individuals should keep their all incomes by themselves, others prefer paying a part of
salary
Correct pronoun usage
their salary
show examples
 to contribute
society
Change preposition
to society
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more benefits. As for my perspective, I firmly agree with the latter, and the reasons will be elaborated on thoroughly as follows.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in terms of
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
show examples
 aspect, keeping all own salary by individuals themselves seems really fair and
naturally
Change the word
natural
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, in order to build an advanced
country
Use synonyms
, the authorities need enough funding to establish the complete amenities and infrastructures.
That is
Linking Words
, a developed
country
Use synonyms
 cannot be operated without the
taxes
Use synonyms
 paid by citizens. Take
myself
Change the pronoun
me
show examples
 as an example. Public
tranportations
Correct your spelling
transportations
transportation
 are extremely vital for my daily life because I do not have any license to drive. Kaohsiung's
authoriy
Correct your spelling
authority
 is building a new metro line which will pass by my house, it will reduce my commute time
almost
Change preposition
by almost
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 half
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
show examples
 to go to my university.
Moreover
Linking Words
, talking about
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
 portion,
taxes
Use synonyms
 can be used on military
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
 and diplomacy, not only can
thrength
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 our
defensive
Replace the word
defence
show examples
 ability but
also
Linking Words
 maintain the relationship among nations. If people save their whole incomes for personal use, our
country
Use synonyms
 would not progress anymore, since we do not have any funds to contribute
out
Change preposition
to
show examples
 state
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international stage.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 political
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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, Taiwan has been adding
military
Correct article usage
a military
show examples
 budget and seeking other nations'
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
, and the
taxes
Use synonyms
 paid by
taiwaneses
Correct your spelling
Taiwanese
 are the primary
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
. In conclusion, citizens ought to contribute some
taxes
Use synonyms
 to society because it really benefits
progress
Correct article usage
the progress
show examples
 of whole countries
such
Linking Words
 as infrastructures and convenience facilities, and
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 sufficient budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
 to secure people's
safe
Replace the word
safety
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider clarifying your main argument in the introduction; it would strengthen the overall thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better flow and coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that directly relate to your points to enhance the argumentation.
task achievement
You present a clear viewpoint and support it with relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The use of personal experience as an example is a good strategy to make your points more relatable.
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