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Band 6

In some countries, the governments do not place importance on observing and controlling the design and construction of homes and apartments. What the disadvantages

#countries #governments #place #importance #design #construction #homes #apartments
In some countries, the
governments
 do not place importance on observing and controlling the
design
 and construction of homes and apartments.
Thus
 the buildings were designed and structured by only
owner's
Correct article usage
the owner's
show examples
 decisions. I believe that
governments
 should introduce strict rules for
such
 important decisions. On the one hand, some of the owners might not consider all of the necessary conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and only think about making money. There are several matters that they should consider.
Firstly
, For the safety of the residents, they must use high-quality materials, especially, in the base of the structure.
Secondly
, the designers should pay attention to the shape of all of the buildings in the whole neighbourhood and their
design
 should not vary from other houses.
For example
, in a cultural area, a modern skyscraper would make a bad impression.
On the other hand
, I believe that the
governments
 are responsible for
this
 issue. They can recruit some experts in
city
design
 and introduce effective rules. The owner not only can make a high-quality building but
also
 make the relevant decisions. It is very important that all of the buildings of a
city
 have the same quality and harmony.
Otherwise
, the
city
 has become odd and ugly. In conclusion, I believe it is the
governments'
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 responsibility to control the
design
 and structure of new houses and make the
city
 more convenient for their citizens.
Additionally
, they should observe the quality of materials for the safety of residents. In
this
 case, we could live in a better
city
.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, to enhance the introduction, you could provide a bit more background or context about why some governments may not prioritize this issue, laying a stronger foundation for your argument.
Task Response
The main points you've made are relevant and address the question but could be elaborated with more depth. Providing more detailed examples or evidence would strengthen the argument, for instance, describing specific safety issues or failures in unregulated construction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical structure by connecting the ideas more fluidly. For instance, transition devices could be more varied and used effectively to make the flow between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
Task Response
While you explicitly state that governments should have stricter controls, providing counterarguments and addressing them could demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Ensure examples are specific and clear. Mentioning specific failures or architectural success stories can add to the strength of your supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively reinforces your stance and summarizes the main points, which adds strength to your essay.
Task Response
The essay stays focused on the topic, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to your central argument, maintaining relevance throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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