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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewriteja)

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rewriteja)
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The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 how
parents
Use synonyms
 take care of their children in the evening in 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that mothers take their children a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 when they dress and do homework,
while
Linking Words
 when they play games and prepare for bed,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 together. In detail, the rate of
time
Use synonyms
 when children
dressing
Wrong verb form
dressed
show examples
mother
Use synonyms
 accounted for 75%, it was the highest percentage of dressing part.
Then
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 accounted
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 22%, and
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 accounted
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
 3%. In the case of homework
mother
Use synonyms
 represented
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50%, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 represented around 40%.After that, the figure for
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 represented 10%, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the lowest percentage in
homework
Correct article usage
the homework
show examples
 section. Turning to the figure for playing games,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 comprised 70%, and
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 comprised 25%. The proportion of fathers comprised 5% in the play games section.
Regard with
Wrong verb form
Regarding
show examples
 preparing for bed,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 occupied 50%, and
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 occupied nearly 45%.Afterwards, fathers occupied about 5%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the preparing for bed section

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, parents, both, mother with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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