IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

This is question. Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is an irrefutable fact that lifestyle changes over recent decades have significantly impacted how
children
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 are raised. Financial concerns play a crucial role in shaping
children
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's future, and many believe that those raised in middle-class
families
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 develop stronger life skills compared to
children
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 from wealthy backgrounds. I completely agree with
this
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 statement and will elaborate on my viewpoint with relevant reasons.
Children
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 from financially struggling
families
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 often witness their
parents
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' hardships from an early age. They see their
parents
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 working tirelessly to provide for basic needs,
such
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 as education and daily expenses.
As a result
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, these
children
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 develop independence, resilience, and a strong work ethic.
For example
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, in many countries, teenagers from middle-class backgrounds take up part-time jobs to support their education and gain real-world experience.
This
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 exposure helps them prepare for adult life by understanding financial management, career planning, and responsibility.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 from wealthy
families
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 often receive financial security and quality education but may lack exposure to real-life struggles.
While
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 they may be taught moral values, they are less likely to face financial hardships firsthand.
As a result
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, they might struggle with personal responsibility and decision-making when they transition into adulthood.
Moreover
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, affluent
children
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 often deal with different pressures,
such
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 as maintaining social status, dealing with comparisons, and managing mental health issues related to expectations from society.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 in wealthy
families
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 must ensure their
children
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 develop financial discipline and experience some level of independence. In conclusion,
while
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 both financial backgrounds offer distinct challenges,
children
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 from middle-class
families
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 often develop resilience, independence, and strong problem-solving skills from an early age.
Parents
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, regardless of their financial status, should focus on instilling moral values and providing opportunities for their
children
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 to gain real-world experience before entering adulthood.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples or anecdotes to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next one to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your ideas are clear, varying your sentence structures and using more complex sentences could make your writing more engaging.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the context for your argument, which is a strong start to the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs that cover different aspects of the topic, which aids in coherence and understanding.
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