IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The length of working week does not reflect modern lifestyle needs. It should be substantially reduced to give people more leisure time and time with their families. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, with the economic recession in recent years,
people
Use synonyms
 seem to work harder in order to secure their financial stability.
However
Linking Words
, the average working hours
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 present lead to the
time
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 limit that workers could spend their leisure
time
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.
Therefore
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, I totally agree that the working week should be reduced to let
people
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 give more
time
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 to their families. To analyze the daily routine of the population, most of the white collar and blue collar spend 8 hours of office
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 in 5 consecutive days, which is considered to be a long period when compared to the weekends.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
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 faced at least 1 hour of travelling
time
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 from the office to their homes, which they would have less
time
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 to raise their child or
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 care of their parents
Hence
Linking Words
, the working week should be dropped at least 1 day to let
people
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 fulfil their personal task. There is
also
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 an alternative working lifestyle that should be adapted in the current era, which is working from home. Technological advancements could play a vital role in
this
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 impact. The modern working lifestyle
such
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 as working remotely could
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to more free
time
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 for the employee. In fact, there are many methods to help
people
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 work effectively from home.
For example
Linking Words
, Zoom, Microsoft Teams, and Google Meets are the platforms that can gather staff together and perform work as they were in the office.
This
Linking Words
 adjustment would help individuals to be able to manage more free
time
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 for their lives. In conclusion, I strongly agree that
people
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 should have more quality and relaxing
time
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 with their loves. With the reduction of working
week
Fix the agreement mistake
weeks
show examples
 or adapting alternative working methods, it can promote work-life balance and stronger family relationships for all employees.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic. You could briefly mention the main points that will support your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your paragraphs further; some ideas are introduced but not fully explained or supported with examples which would enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structure and use more linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will help to enhance coherence throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your conclusion is solid, try to make it more impactful by summarizing your main arguments succinctly and reiterating the significance of your viewpoint on a broader scale.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, indicating strong agreement for reducing the working week. This is a strong starting point for your argument.
Task Achievement
The inclusion of examples like working from home and technological advancements demonstrates an understanding of modern work trends, which is a relevant point to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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