Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym/helath club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Doing sports and exercise is really important.
due to
the good stuff it does to your body
. However
, you have to put on a lot of hard work to be fit. Walking and climbing stairs will help, but not as many other exercises. Such
as going to the gym
every day or going to a health
club.
Walking is really important for your body
and your heart, especially for old people. But, it won't get you to your dream body
. Of course, it is good for your body
health
and a great cardio on rest days, but it won't get you to your dream body
. Moreover
, I think that everyone should be walking every day at least for half an hour to keep their body
health
good.
For example
, joining a gym
is one of the best steps I've made in my life. doing hard work never failed to make my day much better. In addition
, I got a really fit shape, and a great healthy body
, which helped me to be less insecure in front of other people. Therefore
, everyone started to ask me about my exercise and how I became so fit.
In other words
, both walking and joining a gym
are really important. But, it always depends on what you want, if you want good health
with the same body
that you got, just keep walking and do the everyday activities. But, if you want to be fit and ten times stronger, you should join a gym
or go to a health
club to get more powerful. You should always do what you want, and not what others want.Submitted by h9715823 on
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task achievement
Ensure to clearly present both sides of the argument equally in the introduction. Currently, the introduction is a bit one-sided and dives quickly into the support of gym activities. Start with a brief overview of both perspectives.
task achievement
Work on providing more balanced support for everyday activities such as walking and stair climbing. Present examples or contexts where they are sufficient in maintaining fitness and health. This will ensure a comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear topic sentences and link ideas comprehensively across and within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea and that there is a smooth logical flow between them.
coherence cohesion
The use of conjunctions and transitional phrases should be strengthened to enhance the linkage between the ideas presented. For instance, use phrases like 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently' for better flow and connection between arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a good effort in presenting an opinion and supporting it with personal experience. This adds a personal touch and helps in relating to the topic on a practical level.
coherence cohesion
The language used is generally clear and easy to understand, which contributes positively to the overall coherence and readability of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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