IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays , many countries'
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 are living longer. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 create problems for the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
. But others argue that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the drawbacks for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. I think that older
people
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not cause any difficulties for the
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 and]
yields
Correct subject-verb agreement
yield
show examples
 only advantages.  The growing number of
life
Use synonyms
expance
Correct your spelling
expenses
 in the country means that the
overall
Linking Words
 rating of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 in the ranking list became better from different aspects.
For instance
Linking Words
 , the
winners
Fix the agreement mistake
winner
show examples
 of the yearly rating from Toronto University  about
happiest
Correct article usage
the happiest
show examples
 countries in the world is Finland.
The of
Correct article usage
Of
show examples
Finland
Change noun form
Finland's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 has one of the best
life
Use synonyms
longevitiness
Correct your spelling
longevities
. The scientists take
population
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
expance
Correct your spelling
expenses
 as the primary aspect
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because the statistics
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 directly influenced by
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations medicine
Replace the word
national medical
show examples
 level and economics. The
life
Use synonyms
longevety
Correct your spelling
length
 of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on their
overall
Linking Words
 rating , if it is longer , the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 rank
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 better.
In addition
Linking Words
, the adults play  the main role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 keeping
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 culture and traditions , which
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 history and become the symbol of uniqueness.
The older
Correct article usage
Older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
link
Add an article
a link
the link
show examples
 between
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 and new
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 to transfer
Use synonyms
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
 values.
For example
Linking Words
,
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
do
Verb problem
people are
show examples
 not interested in culture and tradition or
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not explained
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 values yet ,
however
Linking Words
 , adults are
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 ones who care about that and want to teach it. The growth of
life
Use synonyms
expance
Correct your spelling
expenses
 confirms the safety of
Linking Words
this
Change to a genitive case
the values of this nation
this nation's values
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
 values.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the increasing of
life
Use synonyms
longevety
Correct your spelling
longevity
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
makes
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 any problems for
manegment
Correct your spelling
management
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 , has many benefits
such
Linking Words
 as better representing better conditions and confirming the safety of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 culture.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clarify your opinion in the introduction. It's important to clearly state whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to provide a clearer link between ideas and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Make your main points more prominent and supported by examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion and provided some arguments to support your view.
task achievement
Your essay includes examples and references that demonstrate your points, such as citing the happiest countries and cultural transmission.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: