IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determinaton. While others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that to achieve your
goals
Use synonyms
 and succeed in your
life
Use synonyms
 you need to work hard and have a vision and plan for your
future
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others agree that financial status and
appereance
Correct your spelling
appearance
 are significant
factors
Use synonyms
 in achieving your
goals
Use synonyms
. In my opinion , working and studying as much as you can
for achieving
Change preposition
to achieve
show examples
 your
goals
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the best way to have a
succeful
Correct your spelling
successful
 and
brightful
Correct your spelling
bright
future
Use synonyms
. Setting
goals
Use synonyms
 and
future
Use synonyms
 vision ,
while
Linking Words
 working to achieve them are the keys to a happy and joyful
life
Use synonyms
 .
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who know what they want in
life
Use synonyms
 and how to get it , and
then
Linking Words
 try their best to do it will have a high successful results.
For instance
Linking Words
 , if students want to become
future
Use synonyms
 doctors, from an early age they need to study hard and spend more time reading scientific topics as
this
Linking Words
 speciality needs commitment and a high level of knowledge. So , studying and having high grades ,
as well as
Linking Words
 determining
future
Use synonyms
goals
Use synonyms
 will end in a happy
life
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
certeficate
Correct your spelling
certificate
certificates
 in a particular subject with knowledge and experience are components that never change or
lost
Add a missing verb
are lost
show examples
 over time .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there is a general agreement that
people
Use synonyms
 with high money status and good appearance reach their
goals
Use synonyms
 easily . First impressions are important and mostly depend on what you wear and what car you drive , but all of these do not determine your personality and how smart you are.
Moreover
Linking Words
, depending on these unstable
factors
Use synonyms
 could result in failure in the
future
Use synonyms
 because those
factors
Use synonyms
 may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
change with time ,but having an experience and educational certificate will stay forever and unreplaceable. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 who have an early plan for their
life
Use synonyms
 and work on it by using their experience and knowledge have a better
future
Use synonyms
 than those who depend on
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
changeable
factors
Use synonyms
 like money and appearance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical mistakes, as some words were misspelled (e.g., 'appereance', 'succeful', 'certaificte'). This will make your writing clearer and more professional.
coherence
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points of your essay more clearly and emphatically. This will help reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Try to expand on your examples a little more. While you have provided relevant examples, adding more depth can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion, supporting the idea that hard work and determination are crucial for success.
coherence
The essay has a logical progression of ideas, moving from one point to another in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: