IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people fell that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema.Others fell that violent films should be regulated.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a view that, some
people
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 believe that the Government’s responsibility is to regulate the level of
violence
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 in
films
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 on television and at the cinema.
While
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 others believe that violent scenes should not be controlled, I strongly agree, that they should be regulated by government agencies the reason is that after watching these movies,
people
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 can
also
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 repeat them in their own
lives
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many advantages when
films
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 the violent nature of movies seeps into
people
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's
lives
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,
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apply
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 like they show their opposition to
violence
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 and the conviction that
violence
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 is a mistake. First of all, these
actions
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 can impact them throughout their
lives
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. To be clear, in any movie, violent
actions
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 are crucial,
in addition
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, film steps increase the likelihood of aggressive behaviour for children and adults in the short run.
As a result
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, when
people
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 realize how hard and harm to others
lives
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.
In addition
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, It not only causes physical injury or death
,
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apply
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 but being exposed to it can
also
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 cause emotional and psychological trauma. For these reasons,
films
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 with
violence
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 can be highly atrocious.
On the other hand
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, there are several instances of brutality in movies.
Firstly
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, if
people
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 concentrate on film
actions
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 with bad intentions, it can be repeated in their
lives
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, like it affects their minds and mental health, and they start to replicate themselves or others. To clarify, the Government should regulate these film
actions
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 and the government should be strict about these acts.
In addition
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,
Violence
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 doesn't just affect the immediate victim, it affects their surrounding community, too.
As a result
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, it may end badly.
Therefore
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, for these reasons, it can have a significant impact. In conclusion,
while
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 acquiring these
actions
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 in humanity, I strongly disagree with, the violent role of
films
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 in shaping our
lives
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both views and your stance on the issue without redundancy. For example, avoid phrases like 'there is a view that, some people believe' which can be more succinctly expressed.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by clearly summarizing the main argument rather than introducing a new idea. Reiterate your opinion in a compelling way to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to elaborate on your points. For instance, you could refer to specific films that have had a notable impact on behavior to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a clear understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You attempt to discuss the implications of violence in films on both individuals and society, which is relevant to the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • regulation
  • vulnerable groups
  • age restrictions
  • censorship
  • real-life aggression
  • healthier society
  • creative freedom
  • free speech
  • artistic vision
  • cultural narratives
  • personal responsibility
  • viewing choices
  • balanced approach
  • rating systems
  • parental guidance
What to do next:
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