IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Research shows that some activities are good for health and othe are bad.Despite knowing that millions of people engange in unhealthy activites. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

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People
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 are used to many daily habits in their lives.
However
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, not all of them are healthy. Unfortunately, many
people
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 are
practicing
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practising
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 those
activities
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 despite being aware of the harmful effects on their health. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why
people
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 tend to do
such
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activities
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,
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apply
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 and suggest some solutions. There are two main reasons that encourage
people
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 to get involved in some unhealthy practices. The first one is
internainment
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internment
.
For instance
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, watching funny reels for hours on social media gives
people
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 a feeling of joy.
While
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 those reels have no useful content, many
people
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 prefer to spend more time watching them rather than watching a comedy movie with friends. Another reason that illustrates why
people
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 tend to do
this
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 kind of activity is stress relief.
For example
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, smoking gives a relaxing feeling for smokers despite the well-known fact that it
is
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apply
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not only negatively affects their bodies, but
also
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 has a bad impact on
people
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 surrounding them. I believe serious actions should be taken to motivate
people
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 to stop
practicing
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practising
show examples
activities
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 that are harmful to them and their
community
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communities
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. Limiting internet hours is one of the proposed solutions. Individuals may allocate certain hours
for
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to
show examples
 social media to help them save time,
moreover
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, reduce the negative effect of screen light on their eyes.
Also
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, spreading awareness and
demonestrate
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demonstrate
 the long-term negative impact on
thie
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the
their
 bodies and their society will motivate
people
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 to avoid unhealthy
activities
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. In conclusion, there are many reasons for unhealthy habits,
such
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 as entertainment and stress relief.
However
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, individuals and communities can work together to encourage
people
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 to overcome their passion for
practicing
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practising
show examples
 those habits. Limiting internet time and spreading awareness are suggested solutions to be considered.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify the definitions of 'unhealthy activities' in the introduction. This can provide a more focused context for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence throughout the paragraphs.
task achievement
In your examples, you could strengthen your argument by including statistics or research findings related to unhealthy habits for added depth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The attempt to link unhealthy activities to entertainment and stress relief is insightful and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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