IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as teachers and doctors, are leaving their own countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes of these problems? What solutions can you suggest?

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Nowadays the number of people with professions
such
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 as teachers and doctors who migrate to other more modern countries from their own
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to get a job
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 noticeably rising. In
this
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 essay let us analyze the reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
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why
this
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 challenge may be caused and give possible solutions for it.
To begin
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 with, in developed countries, mostly in Europe medicine, pharmacy and education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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on
Change preposition
of
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 the highest quality and more progressed than in most
of
Change preposition
apply
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other places.
Furthermore
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, there are lots of schools which specialize
on
Change preposition
in
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exact
Correct article usage
the exact
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 profession where professionals are always highly valued. A
further
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 convenience is that moving and working there is more profitable and highly paid as
an
Correct article usage
the
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 average salary there is one of the biggest in the whole world. These problems can be solved but it will take a lot of money and time from
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
a country
the country
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that is
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 doing it.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 stated cause needs
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 to start increasingly developing sciences and maintain progress in technologies,
therefore
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, it will lead to forming better academies and educational systems.
Second
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The second
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 one will be
also
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 reduced if the first solution
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 done,
however
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, it would be faster if
county
Add an article
the county
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will
Verb problem
apply
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also
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improve
Wrong verb form
improved
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 the quality of life and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 the income of essential professions.
To conclude
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,
although
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, that problem depends on
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 and scientific conditions of the
country
Use synonyms
,
moreover
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,
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
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 and
doctors
Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
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 individual opinion and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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goals influence it too.
Solution
Correct article usage
The solution
show examples
 for
this
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 challenge is to analyze factors that affect it and develop the
country
Use synonyms
 in those directions.

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task response
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the two main causes and the proposed solutions. Instead of using 'analyze the reasons of why this challenge may be caused,' you could directly mention the causes and solutions you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. For instance, strengthen the topic sentence of your second paragraph to reflect the main cause you're discussing.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific countries or programs that attract professionals, which would provide context and enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more effectively to improve the flow. Phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help in transitioning between points more smoothly and logically.
task response
The essay effectively identifies the issue of professionals migrating from their countries, which is a relevant and significant topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in organizing your thoughts systematically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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