IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Many companies prioritize the novelty of their
products
Use synonyms
 when they advertise. The popularity of
this
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 way of communication has increased because people prefer to buy new
products
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 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older ones.
However
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, it is a negative development since the advertisements can mislead people's perceptions. Businesses emphasize that their goods are new because they believe that advertising
this
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 way can help them increase sales. Individuals usually think that new
products
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 are better since they are produced with the latest technology and they are innovative. These tactics can possibly help product owners attract potential clients more effectively.
For example
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, many
Apple's
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Apple
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 fans wait for an annual event presenting the newest smartphones or gadgets;
therefore
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, Apple chooses to mainly invest in promoting new versions of its
products
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.
However
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, advertising the novelty of
products
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 is not always beneficial because it can lead customers to the wrong way.
While
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 potential users entirely focus on the novelty, they might lack
the
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apply
show examples
awareness of the quality of
products
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 and their affordabilities. Regardless of reasonable considerations, customers might buy
products
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 which are not suit for them and they might pay higher
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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, leading to unnecessary debt.
For instance
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, young teenagers probably want to purchase the newest phones in the market without thinking about their incomes, resulting in financial problems. In conclusion, many businesses have been promoting that their
products
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 are new
due to
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 the higher possibility of attracting customers. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development because it can cause misunderstanding and eventually lead to personal financial issues among buyers.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your second main point regarding misleading advertising. Providing a counter-argument or further analysis of the effects could enhance your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use transitional phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the mention of Apple, adds relevance and supports your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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