IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people are working longer hours. Why is this happening? What problems can this cause to people?

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In the recent world, the lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms
 is fully connected with their
work
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 and spending more time at workplaces.
While
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this
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 trend is primarily because of financial strain and career prospects, it is highly likely that
people
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 experience health concerns and isolated lifestyles
overall
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. Admittedly, the duration of working
hours
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 is increasing for the purpose of making money. These days, plenty of
people
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 often find it hard to cover their daily expenses and
work
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 longer
hours
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 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of more salary. Because a wide range of food and clothing products in markets and resources we consume,
such
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 as electricity and water, are relatively high
due to
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 a shortage of them, making it even more pressurizing and hard to pay. Another reasonable reason for long working
hours
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 is career prospects. Some
people
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 who are dedicated and have intimate feelings about their
work
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 encourage them to
work
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 a lot, and wishing to be professional in their realm can be the main goal.
As a consequence
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,
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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status
Correct pronoun usage
their status
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 at the workplace because of their experience and knowledge; not only do they potentially strengthen their ability, but they
also
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 unearth their hidden talents.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend could be commonplace among almost every individual.
However
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,
such
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 limitless efforts to try for the best are not without their drawbacks. The first issue that
people
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 often experience after long working is health
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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.
In other words
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, working
such
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 extended long
hours
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 often poses some risks to the health of
people
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 negatively.
For example
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, eye drainage, physical hardships, and mental toughness begin to give their effect when their age
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 older, and every person who dedicates most of their time to
work
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 feels severe consequences, leading to reliance on drugs to minimize their effect in the long run. Another compulsory drawback is an isolated lifestyle.
People
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 who are obsessed with working over 12
hours
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in
Change preposition
apply
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a day feel a sense of isolation, which eventually leads to broken relationships with partners and
failing
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failure
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 to grow children successfully, as they often underestimate the growth of their children when necessary. If
work
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 takes too much attention, an isolated lifestyle leads to messing up one's life as a whole. In conclusion,
while
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 working more provides an undisturbed life and a bright future, its consequences hurt both our bodies and relationships in the family.

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task achievement
While the essay presents relevant ideas regarding the reasons for longer working hours and their effects, it could benefit from slightly more depth and elaboration in some areas. For instance, providing more specific examples could strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main topic and maintains a logical progression. Some ideas could be better connected to enhance flow.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporating a variety of cohesive devices such as referencing and substitution can enhance the connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons for longer working hours and their potential consequences effectively, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and neatly summarize the main points, providing a rounded structure to the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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