IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents use punishment to teach the difference between right and wrong to kids. Many people think that the punishment is necessary to help children learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important? What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?

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Corporal
punshiment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 is commonly used by
parents
Use synonyms
 or guardians to correct the young person in their families, which is thought to be the only way to help children distinguish their choices. I believe that positive reinforcement and promoting understanding to reflect on their
behaviour
Use synonyms
 can be more constructive,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 just punishing the young ones for unwanted
behaviour
Use synonyms
. It is essential to instill reflective
behaviour
Use synonyms
 strategies among children for making poor
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, a kid stealing money from their
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 wallet and telling lies. The
parents
Use synonyms
 might physically punish the
child
Use synonyms
 without
have
Change the verb form
having
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 a reset conversation and explaining the reason behind the poor decision that he or she made by nicking the amount.
Instead
Linking Words
, it would be good to educate
how
Change preposition
on how
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 it can affect
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 image and become a bad habit, which may
eliminating
Change the verb form
eliminate
be eliminating
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 chances of possible conversation to seek help in crisis
during
Change preposition
in
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long
Add an article
a long
the long
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 run. Reflecting on
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
behaviour
Use synonyms
 is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 process but definitely rewarding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 include positive feedback or reinforce rules and regulations repeatedly
along with
Linking Words
 role modelling to their young people, it would have
greater
Add an article
a greater
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 impact on the
child
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 use corporal consequences it might affect the
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and leave them in childhood trauma. Shouting,
scream
Wrong verb form
screaming
show examples
 or hitting the
child
Use synonyms
 will only create
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 relationship with them. Talking through the problems and involving them in deciding the boundaries will help them to be accountable for their choice. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 plan and time
consumping
Correct your spelling
consuming
 process, I believe the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 procedure to discourage negative
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and educate positive
behaviour
Use synonyms
 is greatly
out weighed
Correct your spelling
outweighed
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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helping the
child
Use synonyms
 to understand and
self regulate
Add a hyphen
self-regulate
show examples
 rather than relying on detrimental consequences that may affect the young individual psychologically and leave them in trauma for life.

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task achievement
Try to clearly outline your main ideas in the introduction so that the reader knows what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use topic sentences in your paragraphs to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choice and spelling; for instance, 'punshiment' should be 'punishment', and 'ones' should be 'one's'.
coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow and connection between your points.
task achievement
You made thoughtful arguments regarding the long-term impact of positive reinforcement compared to corporal punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents it in a meaningful way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • unwanted behavior
  • positive reinforcement
  • constructive punishment
  • time-out
  • loss of privileges
  • self-regulation
  • consequences
  • behavioral modification
  • understanding
  • developmental psychology
  • parenting strategies
  • disciplinary measures
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