IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

*"Some people believe that governments should ban fast food to improve public health. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this policy."*

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In
 today’s world, people think that the government should prevent fast
food
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 meals to develop public health. The essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages results about
this
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 suggestion. On the one hand, there are many beneficial outcomes of preventing fast
food
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 from restaurants in recent days.
Firstly
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, the public will eat organic cooking from the house.
In other words
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, they will eat healthy
food
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 meals without any additional flavour that other shops
used
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are used
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 to
on
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apply
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cooking.
For instance
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, they will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner
food
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. So, there is no more diseases will appear related to fast
food
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 reason.
This
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 is because, individuals will eat eggs, bread, red meat and natural
food
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. So, many health problems like cancer and heart issues will decrease in
this
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 case in
a
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apply
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society.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of negative impacts of not allowing fast
food
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 meals in the community these days.
Firstly
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, the economic sector in the country will decline because of the shortage of fast
food
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 products from shops. To illustrate, funds that people spend on buying fast
food
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 products will decrease significantly.
As a result
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,
food
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 markets will face financial problems. l remember some popular shop markets
last
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 week when they lost money because burger and KFC products were wasted every week. So, banning fast
food
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 consequence bad results. In conclusion, despite the positive influences of banning fast
food
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 from our malls and markets.
However
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,there are several good feedbacks about
this
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 procedure . I agree that band fast
food
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 service is the best choice.
This
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 potential will lead to many benefits and the awareness of the people's health will increase.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific health statistics related to fast food consumption and its consequences.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence. Ensure that each point connects well to the next one to create a smoother reading experience.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Avoid repetitive phrases and simple sentence constructions.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of the policy, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay, indicating that you will discuss both sides of the argument.
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