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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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In recent years, tertiary education has become an integral part of modern life, bringing both benefits and challenges.
While
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 some argue that aspirants are forced to work or travel after completing their high school and before going to university offers numerous advantages, others believe it creates significant drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding with a balanced view. One major advantage of working and travelling after high school is that it makes them financially independent to explore their potential, leading to improved future outcomes.
For instance
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, gathering knowledge of different areas allows individuals to make their everyday tasks more efficient. Another significant benefit is that it expands their horizons of knowledge, which contributes to their career growth by providing better opportunities in diverse courses.
As a result
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, many people experience improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, taking a year gap between studies
also
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is the lack of interest in studies, which can lead to hurdles in their future goals .
For example
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, the engagement of students in either the workforce or travel has resulted in negatively impacting their career options. Another disadvantage is ,
as
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that
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 it may cause the loss of cultural and moral values , creating long-term problems for students. These issues highlight the need for effective management to minimize negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 taking a year gap between education offers significant advantages
such
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 as financial independence and more growth chances, its drawbacks, including the loss of interest and values, should not be ignored. To maximize benefits
while
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 reducing harm, individuals and policymakers should adopt a balanced approach. Ultimately, careful management of the study is essential to ensure sustainable progress.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, adding more specific examples to support your claims would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, as it helps guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more explicitly within each paragraph to enhance fluidity. Using connective words like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'in addition' would improve the transitions between points.
task achievement
While the conclusion summarizes the main points, it could be slightly more assertive in presenting your overall opinion. A stronger restatement of the thesis could enhance its impact.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents a balanced view, setting a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
The discussion of financial independence and career growth as advantages is well-articulated and relevant, demonstrating good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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