IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Kids
Use synonyms
' discipline has been discussed widely recently. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that following
parents
Use synonyms
' and
teachers
Use synonyms
'
instructions
Use synonyms
 helps children to be more punctual.
While
Linking Words
 others think limiting the children's
behavoiur
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 with guidelines does not equip them with the tools required to overcome real-life obstacles. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both opinions and explain why I believe
kids
Use synonyms
' attitudes should not be strictly monitored as
this
Linking Words
 has a negative impact on their personalities. For many
people
Use synonyms
,
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 is simply following the rules without discussion.
This
Linking Words
 is because they believe that those
instructions
Use synonyms
 come from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well experienced
Add a hyphen
well-experienced
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 like educators and
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should not suffer in life and face difficulties.
For example
Linking Words
, many
parents
Use synonyms
 used to reward their
kids
Use synonyms
 when they
copy
Wrong verb form
copied
show examples
 their lesson three times as
this
Linking Words
 was their homework.
Also
Linking Words
, they strongly believe that their
kids
Use synonyms
 will achieve more success because they are following their
teachers
Use synonyms
'
instructions
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, giving children their space to speak and decide is very important. Being an independent kid is essential to building future leaders.
Parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 will not stay with the
kids
Use synonyms
 all the time and in every life situation.
childern
Correct your spelling
Children
 should know how to be
reponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 and how to make critical decisions.
For example
Linking Words
, only the student should take the lead and decide what to study for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
This
Linking Words
 will encourage them not only to be successful leaders
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 creative thinkers. In conclusion, discipline could be identified by following
parents
Use synonyms
' and
teachers
Use synonyms
'
instructions
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, being strictly punctual does not prepare
kids
Use synonyms
 to face future challenges.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clarify your main points more explicitly and support them with stronger evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next; use linking phrases to improve transitions.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is recognizable with clear introduction and conclusion sections.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • obedience
  • authority
  • responsibility
  • structure
  • decision-making
  • independence
  • personal development
  • guidance
  • positive reinforcement
  • cultural differences
  • authoritarian
  • freedom
  • self-discovery
  • academic performance
  • social skills
  • success
  • challenges of life
  • upbringing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: