IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Learning to play team sports is important part of a childs' education do you agree or disagree give reason for your answer and include any relevant experience from your own knowledge.

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Playing
team
Use synonyms
 activities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 fundamental for youngsters' development in education. I personally believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 friendly competition among
children
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 is important. On the one hand,
to create
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creating
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 competitive games among
children
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 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 their critical and cognitive thinking.
For example
Linking Words
, many research claim that
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 have much energy to learn,
at
Correct word choice
and at
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 the same time they
have
Verb problem
are
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 willing to study new things. Through
team
Use synonyms
 sports
childs
Correct your spelling
children
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 can boost their responsibility,
confidence
Correct word choice
and confidence
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.
Furthermore
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 working as a
team
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 may help develop cognitive thinking by solving easy but at the same time vital
decison-making
Correct your spelling
decision-making
 puzzles which would be helpful for
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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work
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 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system
also
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.
Besids
Correct your spelling
Besides
 that,
sport
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sports
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 games help
children
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 to find
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 in
fast
Add an article
a fast
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 way which requires many subjects in school,
such
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 as maths.
Use synonyms
Team
Correct your spelling
Teamwork
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Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
is
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 always helpful in shaping
Correct article usage
a
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person
Change noun form
person's
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 character. Because during matches
children
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 can find themselves in
other
Change the wording
another
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 atmosphere. Many
children
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 nowadays feel shame to speak
their
Change preposition
to their
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 peers or interact with their teachers and even
such
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 games may urge
children
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 to connect and
work
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 as one person
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could be
start
Correct article usage
a start
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 for their
communicating
Replace the word
communication
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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.
Additionally
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, playing
such
Linking Words
 sports in
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
the team
a team
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 is
great
Add an article
a great
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 way to make friends from other classes
also
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.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that,
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 is crucial for studying,
gaining
Correct word choice
and gaining
show examples
 more valuable skills and it helps build collaboration in school.

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task achievement
While you have provided some good points, you could further develop your ideas to make your arguments clearer and more comprehensive. For instance, elaborating on how team sports specifically improve decision-making skills or providing more examples from personal experience could strengthen your response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from improved transitions between ideas. Connecting sentences and paragraphs more fluidly would enhance the overall flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use proper singular/plural forms. For example, 'childs' should be 'children' and 'youngs' should be 'young people'. This will also enhance your grammatical range and accuracy.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your belief in the importance of teamwork and provided relevant points to support your position.
task achievement
Your writing shows enthusiasm for the topic, which is great and engages the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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