IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below show the highest level of education achieved by people over the age 21 in two different countries

The pie chart below show the highest level of education achieved by people over the age 21 in two different countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart compares the academic levels reached by
people
Use synonyms
 aged 21 in two
countries
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who have reached at least secondary are high in both
countries
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of individuals with no schooling is low in both
countries
Use synonyms
. In
country
Use synonyms
 A, 45% of the
people
Use synonyms
 have only reached high school,
while
Linking Words
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the percentage is 10% lower than
country
Use synonyms
 A. Compared to the young adults with no level of education, whose percentage is 5% in both
countries
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to vocational/ technology schools has remained stagnant at 30%. The candidates who have only made it to varsity are sitting at 5% in
country
Use synonyms
 A,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, they are 20% more.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who only have primary school as their highest level of education is 15% in
country
Use synonyms
 A and 5% in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
,

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries, proportion, country, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: