IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is claimed by some
people
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 that the most crucial environmental issue of our era is the
extinction
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 of specific species of
plants
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 and
animals
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.
However
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, some others do not consider that as the main problem and they believe there are many more challenging environmental tackles to be concerned about. Both of these outlooks are going to be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that we are overwhelmed by various environmental issues which are much more important than the
extinction
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 of some
creatures
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. That attitude may be based on the fact that
,
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apply
show examples
 they only consider human beings and the problems they come across without giving enough attention to nature.
For instance
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, these
people
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 might consider air and water pollution as the most important issue of the environment
due to
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 its immediate effect on humans' health and diet.
However
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, they do not comprehend the real life-threatening consequences of the disappearance of different
animals
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 and
plants
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.
On the other hand
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, considering the prior idea, the
extinction
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 of some particular types of
animals
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 and
plants
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 is inevitably a threat to the earth and all living
creatures
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.
That is
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, the life of every existing thing is significantly connected to each other. As an example, the
extinction
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 of some particular types of
plants
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 which purify and detoxify the atmosphere from devastating gases emitted by fuel consumption, can lead to CO2 accumulation in the air and
thus
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, destructive consequences
such
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 as glaciers melting
due to
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 the greenhouse effect of that. These enormous changes will imbalance the ecosystem stability and
consequently
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 cause more
creatures
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 to lose their lives. What is more,
some
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apply
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certain
animals
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 or
plants
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 are the staple prey of some other
animals
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.
Extinction
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 of those not only
effects
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affects
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 the biodiversity but
also
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 leads to the death of more
animals
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.
Therefore
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, there are many more deep problems attributing to the
extinction
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 of some
plants
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 and
animals
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 when you pinpoint that elaborately. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 may believe that we have much more critical problems in the environment to be concerned about than the
extinction
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 of different
creatures
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, I definitely think that it is a superficial outlook on
this
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 and the more various
animals
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 and
plants
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 become extinct the more other
creatures
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 are prone to die.

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task achievement
While you present both sides of the argument, further development and more specific examples would strengthen your points. Consider adding more detail to support your views on both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant but could be more engaging. Try to rephrase for a stronger impact.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases could be simplified for clearer understanding. For instance, replace 'the life of every existing thing is significantly connected to each other' with a more straightforward expression.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both perspectives on environmental issues, demonstrating a balanced view which is crucial for this type of task.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of examples to illustrate your points is commendable, particularly in discussing the impact of plant extinction on the ecosystem.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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