IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Teaching
children
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 how to be good members of
society
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 where
parents
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 and
school
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 teachers or friends are the most helpful choice to learn, playing
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 role in the future and the most helpful choice to learn it.  The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teaching
children
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 to be good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 is
learn
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to learn
learning
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 to them how to communicate with everyone, starting with younger people to
elder
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older
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. Nowadays, the biggest part of
children
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 don't know how
communicate
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to communicate
show examples
 with others.  \Every day, they are getting more rude and closed. In my opinion, it is all because of social media
contents
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content
show examples
. They are effective to
children
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's behaviour and mind every day
,
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apply
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while
Linking Words
 using them. In conclusion,
child
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the child
a child
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 may grow up mentally ill. In my opinion, the best solution to these problems can have both options. At
first,
Linking Words
parents
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 must teach their kids to communicate with others
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what role
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they play in
society
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 and why is
school
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 beneficial for them to learn and to be good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
society
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. In our world, we can properly mix all
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 that we need.
Thus
Linking Words
, learning from
parents
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 and practice at
school
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 would increase the importance of role members in
society
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. 
To conclude
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,
parents
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 and
school
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You
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apply
show examples
can change
children
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's lives
teaching
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by teaching
show examples
 them why is it important to be a good member of
society
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 and learn it step by step.

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task response
Your introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically between paragraphs.
task response
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in relation to the impact of parents and schools on children's behavior.
task response
You show an understanding of the importance of both parents and schools in teaching children about society.
task response
You address both views in your essay, which is important for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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