IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

more than more people are choosing to eat healthy food, and exercise. Why? what can we do to encourage this?

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There is debate over why society started to care about their health and body,
while
Linking Words
 a few years ago, individuals didn't try to improve their health, nowadays, being in good physical shape and reducing the amount of junk food is very widespread in gaining popularity. nowadays, in the community public
like
Replace the word
likes
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 to watch luxury and aesthetic energy, mostly they monitor blogger activity, where they show their productive days or content makers edit their videos so that their good growth
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 visible, and show the figure and how they achieved it. And that's how they show their daily lives with Physical activity, good nutrition and something like that. The population who watch it and follow the lives of bloggers or celebrities want the same lifestyle, and the same figure for themselves and try to emulate it. There are before they eat,
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 at the enthusiasm of celebrities or bloggers and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
gym
Use synonyms
 sessions. Encouraging that kind of lifestyle dream can add promotions or make discounts for bodies who invite their friends or relatives or someone else. That kind of action will increase the influx of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 and
also
Linking Words
gym
Use synonyms
 should create an opportunity for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 convenient and good atmosphere where the crowd have a desire for physical activity. And when they do it, it's
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
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 folk in their
gym
Use synonyms
. It is a plus for them and for
society
Add a comma
society,
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 so they improve their bodies
also
Linking Words
 in
gym
Use synonyms
 workers or trainers should provide
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 with a meal plan and how much food they should eat per day. In conclusion, the fact that borders and popular bourgeois are raising awareness and broadcasting healthy eating in a good body is very good, because
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 strive for
this
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
 if
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 attracts more folk to exercise everything will be even better.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to clearly outline the reasons for the increased interest in health and fitness, as well as the methods to encourage this trend.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to better define the main ideas and ensure a logical flow of thoughts.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer view of the trends in healthy eating and fitness.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and reduce confusion for the reader.
content
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear understanding of current trends in health consciousness.
content
You provided some interesting ideas about the influence of social media on lifestyle choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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