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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion

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Nowadays there is an increase in the
use
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 of
computers
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 for education in schools. It is believed by some individuals to be a positive trend.
On the other hand
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, some believe it has pitfalls. In my opinion, it is a beneficial trend for the education system. Some people believe the
use
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 of
computers
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 in schools leads to consequences like an increase in the number of
students
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 with visual defects because of the harmful radiation emitted by the monitor screens.
This
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 can
also
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 lead to permanently damaging the student's eyes.
Furthermore
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, the computer programs are set and do not adapt
according to
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 the student's ability to learn and grasp.
Due to
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this
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, some
students
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 can face problems and backlash in their regular studies.
However
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, the
use
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 of
computers
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 at educational institutes has reduced the heavy burden of books
students
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 have to carry to school.
This
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 has led to a decrease in number of
students
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 facing back problems.
In addition
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 to that, the internet has opened doors to vast and varied amounts of knowledge not only for
students
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 but for teachers too. It can help the teachers to explain and demonstrate things in a better way by using different models and diagrams available.
For example
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, nowadays in medical universities
instead
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 of fake skeletons and cadavers, they are using 3d models on
computers
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 and iPads which helps them to study with more clarity. In my opinion, increasing the
use
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 of
computers
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 in education is a positive trend because it has decreased the heavy burden of books
students
Use synonyms
 have to carry adding to that, it has enhanced the experience of both learning and teaching with the help of the huge amount of knowledge available on the internet.

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structure
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and the conclusion restates your opinion more distinctly.
coherence
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
content
Expand on the examples provided in order to illustrate your points more fully, ensuring the reader understands their relevance.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion, indicating a thoughtful perspective on the topic.
content
The use of relevant examples, such as the impact of 3D models in medical education, enhances the arguments made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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