IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between high school and the university are at a disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagree?

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A few people believe that taking a pause
while
Linking Words
 navigating to higher studies
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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at
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apply
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much
advantage
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advantageous
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 rather than someone who follows a conventional path in progressing in their education.
This
Linking Words
 essay
breaksdown
Correct your spelling
breaks down
 the advantages and disadvantages,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
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forths
Correct your spelling
forth
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 an idea of what's considered best
according to
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 the circumstances
from
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of
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 real life.
Firstly
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, A conventional path follows many students go to university right after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college which allows students to graduate without wasting time making them
to
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apply
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enter
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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 at the earliest.
Although
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,
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apply
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it enables them to be financially independent
while
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 gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
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experienece
Correct your spelling
experience
 in their field, A few years later they could get saturated very soon thereby looking for alternate careers. A survey finds that after working continuously in a specific career for 10 years most likely continue to quit to explore other options.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Students take a Gap year in between their studies, having
an
Change the article
a
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 year for themself encourages them to find out what they are good at,
usually
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and usually
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 it opens a wide perspective over different careers.
its
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it's
it is
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 a
trail
Correct your spelling
trial
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 and error phase where they could find the best fit which gives them joy rather than finding a job. in conclusion, Having a gap year is a reflection of a person
to assess
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assessing
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 the likes and dislikes of a career which they would like to
pursure
Correct your spelling
pursue
 rather than following a conventional path
therby
Correct your spelling
thereby
 regretting latter being ending up in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong career which most of them regret provided if guided correctly it can be used to the advantage.

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task achievement
Ensure that the thesis statement clearly states your position on the topic in the introduction. This will help to establish your viewpoint from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. For example, instead of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly', you could use 'Firstly' and 'Additionally' or 'Moreover'.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples or evidence. For instance, when discussing the advantages of a gap year, you could mention specific activities or outcomes that students may experience during this time.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents arguments for both sides, demonstrating a balanced approach.
coherence and cohesion
The intention to compare two different educational paths is clear, which is a good foundation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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