MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

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Numerous physicians are worried about the significant use of

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

by kids and youth.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both

merits

Correct article usage

the merits

show examples

and demerits of

this

Linking Words

statement. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, individuals

Correct pronoun usage

who are

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

engaged

Change preposition

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

advantages.

Firstly

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

plays

Change the verb form

play

show examples

a significant role in

children

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Which develops both mental and physical relief.

For example

Linking Words

, nowadays the syllabus

are

Change the verb form

show examples

vast so studying a large number of subjects becoming

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

and

struggle

Correct article usage

a struggle

show examples

for them to manage.

Therefore

Linking Words

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

act as a role of stress buster.

Secondly

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

promotes

Change the verb form

promote

show examples

concentration, determination and

triumphing

Correct article usage

a triumphing

show examples

mindset. These characteristics

also

Linking Words

improve personal, career and academic growth.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the development of technology surged higher, it leads to

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

as a source of income. A significant number of

children

Use synonyms

buy

playstation

Correct your spelling

PlayStation

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

create a YouTube channel and upload their gaming stream.

Also

Linking Words

, a considerable amount of firms and media

offers

Correct subject-verb agreement

offer

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

and income per

hours

Fix the agreement mistake

hour

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the higher demand of creators.

Finally

Linking Words

, gamers

such

Linking Words

as 'ishowspeed' become

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

based on

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

gaming

stream

Fix the agreement mistake

streams

show examples

or live sessions.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, playing

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

has demerits. The major disadvantage is,

games

Use synonyms

are

Use synonyms

time consuming

Add a hyphen

time-consuming

show examples

process so toddlers utilize higher screen

time

Use synonyms

as a result

Linking Words

Add a missing verb

has a

show examples

negative impact on eye vision at an early stage.

Also

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

prioritise fun

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

instead

Linking Words

of study and physical

games

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, outdoor

games

Use synonyms

boost knowledge about everything.

Such

Linking Words

as creatures, nature and

also

Linking Words

improve the behaviour. Physical activity promotes health benefits.

Moreover

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

and social media cause instant addiction so they pay their attention only

for

Change preposition

show examples

these activities. It leads them to an

introvert

Replace the word

introverted

show examples

person and

enjoying

Wrong verb form

enjoy

show examples

their own company.

To conclude

Linking Words

, playing

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

show examples

beneficial for

children

Use synonyms

to reduce stress.

However

Linking Words

, parents should create a

time

Use synonyms

schedule and limit to use

Linking Words

Change preposition

of this

show examples

this entertainments

Change the determiner

this entertainment

these entertainments

show examples

Also

Linking Words

, game addiction creates laziness and

avoid

Correct subject-verb agreement

avoids

show examples

other physical activities and spending quality

time

Use synonyms

with family and friends.

naseerumer666Wed Apr 02 2025

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task achievement

Improve your introduction to clearly state the advantages and disadvantages, rather than only indicating that both will be discussed.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and better indicate the main point of each section.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences could be simplified for better clarity. For example, 'this statement' at the end of your introduction could be more directly tied back to the topic of advantages and disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

Try to combine ideas into more complex sentences to improve the flow and sophistication of your writing.

task achievement

In your conclusion, emphasize the balance between gaming and other activities more strongly to provide a more nuanced perspective.

task achievement

You've provided a range of points discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows balanced consideration of the topic.

task achievement

Some points, such as the potential for income through gaming, are relevant and interesting examples that enhance your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
strategic thinking
hand-eye coordination
mental agility
critical thinking
educational purposes
interactive learning
multiplayer games
teamwork
communication skills
sedentary lifestyle
obesity
poor posture
repetitive strain injuries
mental health
addiction
anxiety
depression
social withdrawal
academic performance
family relationships
inappropriate content
behavioral effects

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MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

Your opinion

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

You are planning to take a vacation. Write a letter to a friend. •Describe the vacation spot you have chosen . •Explain how you plan to spend time there. •Invite your friend to join on your vacation

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try cooporate more rather that competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.