IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some say that professional success depends largely on obtaining a good education, while others contend that personal talent and drive are more significant. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Success is a major point and a desire in every career or field. Some
people
Use synonyms
 may find their achievements by
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 talents they were born with, others
however
Linking Words
, are less fortunate and must work
hardly
Change the word
hard
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 to achieve their dreams. Gifted
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to ensure their rise than others.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a successful
rolemodel
Correct your spelling
role model
 can not rely on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talent solely. Lionel Messi
for example
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,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was born with the ability to play football in
such
Linking Words
 a way that no other player has ever had. Even so, he would never have those accomplishments if it
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not for his constant training. Hard-workers
on the other hand
Linking Words
 are the type who had to fight for their own rise by training/education. "Practice makes perfect" is a fascinating quote that describes those
people
Use synonyms
. A good example in
this
Linking Words
 context is Cristiano Ronaldo. He was only 17 when he left his hometown fighting for his dream. Until he did. In conclusion. Talent and Education are related. Choosing one over the other would never be the
solo
Correct your spelling
sole
show examples
 solution. One of the perfect fits of those
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are the soccer players that were born gifted with playing soccer but their lack of discipline and motivation made their downfall inevitable. That said, we should always try to combine talent and drive in order to reach and achieve our dreams.

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Task Response
The introduction could be clearer and more specific in stating your opinion regarding the given topic. Make your position explicit to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
While there are clear main points, consider adding more transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Response
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your key arguments and reinforces your opinion more effectively, rather than introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Good use of relevant examples like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo to illustrate the connection between talent, education, and success.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is an essential aspect of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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