IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The planet’s population is reaching unsustainable levels , and people are facing shortage of resources like water, food and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures can be taken to fight overpopulation?

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Nowadays over the World, particularly in the African continent, we can observe a significant increase of inhabitants
consequently
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 decreasing numbers of drinking water, nutrition and other goods.
This
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 essay will explore
this
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 phenomenon in detail with relevant examples .
For instance
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, India is a huge
country
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 with a great opportunity, but
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
unemployed
Correct word choice
and unemployed
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 nations are unbelievable, in
consequence
Add the comma(s)
consequence,
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 they have a rise
of
Change preposition
in
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 poverty. To my
mind
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mind,
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 it's a terrible situation .
Furthermore
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,a significant number of children must grow up not only without education or normal clothes but
also
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 they live without basic life needs,
such
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 as water and food . They have miserable life conditions, in unsanitary homes. Why do they face
this
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 problem? I guess, the reasons for
this
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 situation are
incorrect
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the incorrect
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 leadership skills of the government and old traditions which don't apply to modern life.
For example
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, women are not working and they don't have an understanding of contraception.
On the other hand
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, if we look at China, one more
country
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 with overpopulation,
but
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apply
show examples
we can admit that the overwhelming majority of citizens have a job and adequate salary,
consequently
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 their level of living is higher.
Moreover
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,
the
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apply
show examples
overpopulation in
this
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country
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 plays a significant role in the development of the economy. In my opinion, the government should not impact fertility . I strongly agree that the knowledgeable administration can use overpopulation to develop their
country
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. I believe that good education, affordable housing and food can lead to amazing results. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 I would like to summarize that the number of individuals in the
country
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 is not
so
Correct word choice
as
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 important as
a
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apply
show examples
correct leadership.

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coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, but some points would benefit from clearer transitions and connections between ideas. Aim for smoother flows between paragraphs.
task achievement
While you addressed the topic of overpopulation, a stronger focus on specific consequences and clearer elaboration on proposed measures would enhance your response. Include more comprehensive discussion points to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay discusses relevant examples like India and China, which effectively illustrate your points about overpopulation and its impact.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is apparent with a clear introduction and conclusion, showing an understanding of how to outline your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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